


in the dark of the night, i can hear you calling my name

by playthetyrants



Series: don't forget to love before you're gone [2]
Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, I APOLOGIZE, Panic Attacks, There's lots of crying, it gets a bit graphic but not by much, kinda gory violence near the end, like i said before: this shit is an emotional rollercoaster, obviously fakechop, this will only make sense if you read part 1, y'all know the drill by now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 18:36:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 38,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13793730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playthetyrants/pseuds/playthetyrants
Summary: “Well...is it the heist? Are you afraid something’s gonna go wrong?” James sighed, reaching his palms up to rub at his eyes wearily, feeling how wet they still were from earlier.“See, that’s the thing…I don’t have any reason to think that.” James dropped his hands, meeting Aleks’ eyes again and staring him down, watching him fall silent beneath his gaze. “You all know what you’re doing, we’ve scoped out the place multiple times, we’ve got this planned in every possible way we could, but...there’s this voice in the back of my head, taunting me, telling me over and over not to do it.” He stopped then, taking in Aleks’ face once more and sighing shakily, feeling his eyes beginning to sting again.“And every single time I look at you, it’s like...it’s like my body’s preparing itself. I get this pain in my chest like my hearts breaking, like my body knows something I don’t, and that it’s just...it’s waiting for something bad to happen to you.”(james learns the hard way that everyone's past has a funny way of catching up to them)





	in the dark of the night, i can hear you calling my name

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i wrote a sequel. sue me.
> 
> hello friends! let me just say...i have had this idea in my head for awhile, pretty much since i finished part 1 and although i was weary about continuing it, i'm so glad i did. i had so much fun writing this, and i hope you have just as much fun reading it. what can i say, i'm too attached to these characters to let them go.
> 
> this one is long, and another roller coaster of emotions, so i'm apologizing in advance. just get to the very end, you'll be happy (i hope). 
> 
> also, TW for panic attacks! it's near the beginning-ish of the of the fic, and i tagged it as well but i just wanted to be sure that everyone sees it, just in case! 
> 
> anywho, enjoy! i've been hard at work on this for awhile now, and i'm quite pleased with how it turned out.
> 
> (title is lyrics from the song "revelry" by kings of leon. i love that band.

James had, from a very young age, grown used to waking up in the mornings and immediately wishing he hadn’t. 

His childhood wasn’t exactly...idealistic, you could say. When your dad was a raging alcoholic who beat on you and your mom for fun, it wasn’t hard to imagine that he’d lay in bed at night, hoping all the bruises he’d received during the day would somehow manifest their way deeper beneath his skin, that he’d just eventually succumb to the pain and blood swimming beneath his membranes, making his bones ache and organs throb. 

When they’d finally escaped the hellhole that was Los Santos, James was very adamant on not letting people anywhere near him. He was only 8 years old when his mom had retrieved him from his bed in the middle of the night, scooping him up in the dark and wrapping him in his blanket before making a run for it, small feet skittering across the hardwood floor as they flew through the front door, hearing the all too familiar noise of glass bottles falling to the floor in the living room.

James just hung onto his mother's neck, small arms as gentle as could be to avoid the black and blue markings on her shoulders but still keeping a tight grip in fear of the monster that was inside the house, now angrily yelling from within. 

They made it out, but barely. James had to watch his mother’s face make violent contact with the steering wheel and her nose began to gush blood from the backseat before she was able to kick the man out of the way and start the car, speeding off in a cloud of dust that engulfed the humid night air like fog, like the kind at the finale of a play, signaling the end of one thing and beginning of another. 

He’d never been back to Los Santos since. 

He supposes he can blame where he’d ended up now on his childhood. He’d made his way through grade school with therapists following his every move, documenting his changes in behavior and every time he threatened to hurt a kid in one of his classes, they’d scribble down something about him being a “troubled youth” that just ended up acting like sticky note on his forehead, like some sort of scarlet letter. 

Somehow, he’d made it to graduation day. The next morning, he left his mom a letter on the counter and snuck out through the back window of his bedroom.

He hadn’t seen her since.

James reached his hand down, absentmindedly rubbing at a faded tattoo on his chest, right over his heart, as he stared blankly at the ceiling above him, his eyes straining themselves in the dark bedroom. He’d gotten the tattoo of her name not even a year after he’d left home because, in the end, he missed her. 

But even at that point, when he was just getting his foot in the door and his hands dirty, he’d already done so many things that he knew would make her sick, would make her think differently about him and maybe even let her look at her son in disgust because she might actually see some of his father in him, and not just in the face. 

He’d left almost 10 years ago. He knew she was still alive because of the money he sent a handful of times a year. He hoped it might make the ease of losing her son less painful, but there was only so much you could do to help a broken heart. 

He knew that all too well. 

James inhaled through his nose, letting his breath out slowly as he rubbed at his eyes wearily, trying not to think about the fact that he hadn’t been able to sleep in days. He sat up carefully, glancing over at the pile of blankets and messy hair that was Aleksandr, fast asleep and face buried in his pillow before cracking a small smile. 

In the entire mess that was his life, at least he’d gotten him out of it. At least he had Aleks. 

He turned his head to glance at his phone, reaching down to press the unlock button and stifled back a groan as he realized it was only 3 in the morning. He slowly swung his feet off the bed, letting them hit the carpeted floor gently before standing up, taking in the way his clothes were scattered across the floor from hours before. He managed to get dressed in the dark, slipping on his boxers and sweatpants before grabbing around blindly to find his shirt that had somehow ended up on the other side of the room, slipping it on over his head. 

His hair had been very much yanked around and pulled apart from its usual bun by Aleks’ eager hands, and he reached up and took his hair tie out, letting his tangled curls fall onto his shoulders, making a mental note to get another haircut as soon as possible.

Shooting one last look at Aleks, who was still very much asleep, he tiptoed to the door and slipped out, shutting it behind him as he entered the slightly darker hallway. Squinting slightly, he made his way down it and towards the stairs, passing by the other bedrooms as he did. Trevor’s and Asher’s were silent, as was Brett’s, but he heard Lindsey and Anna still awake, quietly whispering and giggling to each other through the thin walls and James smiled faintly at that, keeping silent as he reached the staircase and departed down them. 

The wood creaked slightly beneath his weight and he winced a bit, slowing down a bit before he finally reached the bottom. The living room was still messy from the night before, plastic cups and empty bottles strewn across the floor like glitter in a snow globe. 

He made his way past the sea of trash, smirking slightly at the sight of plastic credit cards sitting on the coffee table, their edges still slightly white with powder as he passed them. He reached the back door leading to the “yard”, which was really just a huge outstretch of land that this house had been built on, out in the middle of nowhere. 

Upon opening it he was pleased to see the moon was out, the clouds from earlier no longer shielding its light from him. Stars sprinkled the dark sky above him like freckles on a child’s face, small and gentle and strangely nostalgic for a reason he wasn’t quite sure of. He shut the door behind him, shivering slightly in the cold breeze as he crossed his arms in front of him, glancing up at the sky for a moment, sucking in another deep breath. 

It was July 6th, 2019. 

It had been an entire year since she’d been born. 

James felt heavy all of a sudden, like there was an ever growing crowd of people standing on his shoulders, weighing him down and making his chest ache from all the pressure. He let the breath he’d been holding escape from his lips, feeling his body crumple slightly forward as it did. 

He took a few steps forward into the tall grasses, his bare feet making contact with the surprisingly cold ground below him as he stepped off the small porch. He felt the wind blow again, ruffling his hair slightly and he reached a spot a few yards away from the house before he decided to sit down, crossing his legs carefully as he did. He pushed the grasses away from his face with his tattooed arms, giving him space to breathe before he set them back down in his lap. 

He sat there for a few minutes, listening to the silence that came with absolutely nothing. The wind tickled his cheeks and he could feel the tips of the grass and weeds around him brush against his elbows and arms, like the gentle touches of ghostly hands trying to lure him in somewhere. 

He wasn’t really sure what he’d been expecting, exactly. An entire year had passed, a year since he’d gone through the absolute worst pain of his life to receive the best thing that had ever and will ever happen to him.

He just...he missed her, every single minute of every single day of his life. It never stopped. 

At first, he thought the empty feeling inside of him was just from not being pregnant anymore. It made sense; he didn’t have that promise of protection over her now. She was no longer dependent on him, keeping him awake at night with her constant moving and kicking at his bladder and he didn’t have this extra weight in his belly and he just felt so lost without her, like there was absolutely no meaning to anything he was doing now. 

He frowned to himself, staring down at a patch of grass on the ground in front of his feet as his mind wandered aimlessly, wondering idly where she’d ended up. He figured she was still in Florida, but then again, Lindsey and Anna had never told him anything about the family she was given to. 

He hoped they were travelers. He’d never gotten to travel as a kid. 

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the back door open and shut behind him, nor did he hear the faint sound of feet padding their way across the grass, accompanied by the sound of something being dragged against it. 

He felt Aleks’ presence behind him before his hand touched his shoulder, careful and gentle and kind. James didn’t react, instead letting Aleks run his thumb along the seam of his shirt before he finally broke the silence. 

“Did I wake you?” he murmured, and Aleks’ hand suddenly moved off his shoulder, and James felt him sit down to his right, his knee brushing up against his own. 

“Nah, just rolled over to touch you and realized you were gone.” James finally drug his gaze away from the grass and turned to face him, unable to hold in his loud snicker as he finally caught sight of him. 

“You really couldn’t be fucked to put on clothes, could you?” Aleks smiled sleepily at him, his pale body wrapped in nothing but a white linen bedsheet. James could faintly make out the dark lines and colors of his tattoos beneath the fabric, covering his body like a beautiful sort of roadmap. His hair was nearly brown again, long and falling slightly in his eyes, signaling his desperate need for a haircut that matched James’ own.

He let his dark eyes linger on James’ face for a moment before shrugging his shoulders once. 

“It was too dark to see them, plus no one else is awake right now but you. And I obviously don’t care if you see me naked.” James smirked at that, shaking his head before turning away, staring off into the vast distance of land that they were currently occupying. 

He’d never been to Virgina before this. It just wasn’t a state that had been on the top of his list of places to go, but he figured he liked it well enough. It wasn’t too hot, nothing like Florida had been 12 months before, and it had a sense of calm about it, one that James had been craving so often recently. 

Aleks watched him carefully, and James could feel his eyes nearly boring holes into his profile with their intensity. But, suddenly, for some reason unknown to him, James felt like if he were to turn and face him right now he might burst into tears. 

He felt Aleks’ head make contact with his shoulder after awhile, leaning against his side gently as he joined his boyfriend in staring off into nothingness in front of them, listening to nothing but the breeze for a few moments. 

“I bet she’s sound asleep right now, laying in her crib and not knowing that there’s an entire party being planned for her,” Aleks began slowly, and James swallowed a bit, keeping his mouth shut as his boyfriend spoke. “She’s gonna have so many presents, and everything’s going to be decorated and she’ll have her own little cake and a tiara to wear and she’ll probably get fussy and take it off but that’s okay…” 

James felt Aleks’ hand make contact with his knee, running his thumb slowly back and forth across the thin fabric of his sweatpants as his voice faltered slightly. 

“And she’ll get her own little candle to blow out, and there’s gonna be all these pictures of her with icing all over her face because she’s so excited to eat her cake, and everyone will be laughing and smiling and happy…” He finally stopped then, and James felt the way he was gripping onto his knee now, his body stilled against his side. 

“She’s gonna get what we weren’t able to give her ourselves.”

There was another long silence then, and James could hear Aleks let out a long breath from his nose, his body seeming to deflate as he did. He could still feel his head on his shoulder, and James finally turned to face him again, meeting the sight of his dark hair instead. 

He leaned forward slightly, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head, burying his face in his hair for a few seconds before pulling away again. 

“Come on, let’s go back inside…” The wind was picking up slightly, and James pushed himself up to stand before Aleks had a chance to respond, feeling his hand leave his knee as he did. As much as his words had hurt, they were what he needed to hear. His chest still ached horribly but the weight that had been pressing down on his shoulders had lessened slightly, making it a bit easier to breathe again. 

Aleks was slower to get up, still struggling to keep his sheet wrapped around him and James rolled his eyes, sliding an arm beneath his knees and picking him up in one swift move, getting a shocked yelp from Aleks’ mouth. 

“Hush, alright? There’s people sleeping.” Aleks giggled at that, pressing his lips together as James quietly carried him back inside, up the stairs and into their bedroom once more. 

They spend the couple hours they had left before daylight wrapped in each other’s arms, James pressing lazy kisses onto his face, peppering his eyelids and cheeks and nose with the gentle touch of his lips. Aleks clung onto his waist, his eyes falling shut as he ran his hand slowly up and down James’ back, letting himself go in his boyfriends grip. 

He finally fell asleep and then James was alone once again, watching sunlight stream through the thinly veiled fabric of the curtains hanging on the window behind him. He rested his cheek on Aleks’ head, his fingers absentmindedly scratching his scalp gently, and wondering silently to himself if his daughter was awake right now. 

In the year that had passed since Florida, James felt that everyone in the group had grown immensely closer. He wasn’t quite sure what it was; more than likely, all of the emotional trauma and turmoil they’d gone through together had instigated some sort of reaction among them all. 

The first couple of months after James had had the baby, everyone was...gentler with him. He wasn’t sure how to put his finger on it, exactly; Lindsey and Anna’s touches on his arm were softer, lingering longer. Brett’s voice wasn’t as loud anymore. Asher and Trevor didn’t complain as much anymore, instead following orders without being asked twice. 

And Aleks...well, he never left his side. James wasn’t sure if it was for his sake or Aleks’ own. 

Things were different now. Time had passed and heists has been done and they’d all thrown themselves back into their work, eager to cause some chaos and make some money again. James was glad; he’d never done well with attention, and for a couple months he’d felt nothing but eyes on him, even worse off than it was when he was actually pregnant. It was like they were all expecting him to breakdown in front of them at any moment. 

He never did. He saved that for when he was alone. 

And somehow, they’d all made it another year together, a year without anyone dying or getting hurt or anything bad happening and James felt like the aching in his chest was finally starting to subside a bit, like an invisible hand had decided to stop twisting the knife in his heart. 

“Don’t let him see you’re too happy, James,” his mom used to whisper to him, when he was still young and they were both curled up in each other’s arms in his childhood bed as they tried to catch their breath, bodies aching with all of the bruises from the beating they’d just endured. 

“All he wants to do is break you down, make you cry. Don’t let him wipe your smile away, my love. Don’t leave it out there to be taken away.” 

He’d always remembered that, kept it to heart. That’s why he was so closed off; to be vulnerable meant to be weak, and he couldn’t afford that in his career. He was closed off and he liked it that way. No one deserved to see his smile, not after it had been ripped away from him so many times before. 

But then, one day, he took a moment to look around him. He looked at Brett and Trevor and Asher and Lindsey and Anna and finally realized that maybe, if he just let himself, it might be okay for him to be happy again. 

That was his first mistake. 

His second mistake was turning to his side and seeing Aleks, with his messy hair and crinkled eyes and bright smile and realizing that he was completely gone. He’d cut himself open and spilled his guts everywhere, a damaged mess that Aleks was eager to help, eager to clean. 

And James knew that. He knew that Aleks would follow him to the end of the earth and if James asked him to jump he’d be over the edge before the sentence even finished coming out of his mouth because that’s just how Aleks was. 

Aleks was everything he’d ever wanted and nothing he ever deserved, and he was so in love with him that it hurt but not enough to stop. He was never going to stop, no matter what was said or what was done because for the first time in his life he wasn’t waking up in the morning wishing he’d died in his sleep. 

He should’ve listened to his mother more. 

Their time in Virginia was short; James ended up falling asleep for about an hour before Aleks had woken him with gentle kisses on the corners of his mouth and up his cheek, running his fingers through his beard. 

As they packed their things they could hear the rest of the house come alive, the sound of people mulling around the house and talking and cleaning the mess from the night before. James watched Aleks ritually take his locket from off its usual place on his side table, carefully tucking it away in the front pocket of his backpack before James suddenly pulled him over with a long arm around the waist, holding him close and kissing him deeply. 

Aleks gasped in shock against his lips, but nevertheless responding just the way James wanted him to, with his arms snaking around his neck and his back arching slightly beneath James’ grip, eyes fluttering shut as he opened his mouth to match his own. His body was pressed against James’ own and he felt perfect there, like he was a puzzle piece fitting into the right spot and James didn’t want to let him go, not now, not ever. 

Aleks managed to pull his lips away, his forehead falling to rest against James’ own as James slowly opened his eyes, meeting his flushed cheeks and euphoric grin. 

“What was that for?” he asked, slightly out of breath but curious at the same time, and James managed a small smile. 

“I just love you. A lot.” 

Aleks’ smile widened at that, his eyes crinkling slightly as he pulled his head back to get a better look at him, scanning his face for a moment. 

“I love you too, you sap.” James stayed silent as Aleks pulled himself away and slid out of his grip before he threw his backpack over his shoulder and shot him a smirk over his shoulder. “Come on, we’re running late already. I wanna get to Chicago before nightfall so we can see the sunset.”

He disappeared out the door and James could hear his footsteps descend down the stairs and suddenly all he wanted to do was burst into tears because, as stupid and irrational it sounded, he had this horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach and a voice whispering hoarsely in the back of his head, telling him that things had been too good for too long. 

He’d let his smile show, and now someone was going to take that from him. 

They managed to get out of there within the hour, and James was content the entire 11 hour drive, running his fingers through Aleks’ hair in the backseat as they drove, his body warm against his side. Asher and Trevor happily chatted in the front, while the girls and Brett slept in the middle seat, all of them perfectly content and calm and James kept his gaze out the window, watching grasses turn to highway and highway into city like a perfect roll of film. 

They’d been to Chicago before; it was where James had first found Aleks, his blood thick with heroin and his body thinner than a skeleton and James had known from the beginning that he was worth saving. There was just something about him that gave James the patience to detox him, to bring him in and train him properly and put guns and knives in his pale hands and watch him wreak havoc. 

Aleks hadn’t minded when James had brought up a potential bank heist in the city; frankly, he was excited to see the place he’d lived in most of his life, after so many years. He’d woken up just as they entered the city limits, his face immediately lighting up and James couldn’t help but smile, letting him lean over his lap so he could better see out the window, the city lights dancing across his face like stars. 

They reached their temporary shelter for the night, stashing their van somewhere safe before they all made their way inside, taking in the rundown state but remembering that they’d be out by tomorrow morning, after their job was done and they’d be back on the road yet again. This job in particular would, if everything went to plan, keep them set for another couple months and James was grateful because being in such a public city was dangerous in itself. They hadn’t had any major concern with cops as of late, but that was only because they’d been laying low. 

James got them inside and locked all the doors and windows, giving them time to check inventory before he did a role call, listening as everyone recited their job and task perfectly. 

When Aleks spoke, James felt another sinking feeling in his stomach, struggling to ignore it as Aleks kept his fingers intertwined in his own, running his thumb up and down the side of his hand. 

He finished speaking and everyone fell silent again, and James felt the all too familiar feeling of six pairs of eyes on his face once again. He glanced around for a moment, taking in all of their faces, save for Aleks’, who was too far to his right to see properly. 

“We’re going to be just fine. You’re all smart, you’re all well trained, you know what you’re doing. I know it’s been awhile since we’ve done something this big, but think of it as just another job. They’re all the same, at the end of the day.” He took a pause then, taking in Lindsey and Anna’s gentle smiles and Asher’s kind eyes and Trevor’s soft smile and Brett’s calm face and let out a long breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. 

“Get some sleep. Be ready for vest check at 7.” James fell silent again, watching as everyone stood up and departed from their spots in the dirty living room, making their way to their rooms for the night. He let his eyes linger upon Lindsey and Anna’s intertwined hands before turning his gaze to look at his and Aleks’ own, resting upon his thigh. 

“That was a good speech, my love…” James stayed quiet, listening to Aleks’ voice as he felt his hand reach over and make contact with his cheek gently, still staring down as he tucked one of his curls behind his ears. Aleks leaned over and pressed a kiss to the edge of his shoulder, letting his head rest on it for a brief moment before pulling away, and James could feel his gaze on the side of his face. 

“Ready to go upstairs?” James pondered this for a moment, finally noticing the way his own foot was bouncing anxiously up and down against the hardwood floor below them. He frowned a bit, eyeing it carefully before he lifted his head and turned to face Aleks finally, meeting his soft dark eyes and holding his gaze. 

“Yeah…” he murmured softly, eyes falling to rest on Aleks’ mouth, absentmindedly running his tongue along his bottom lip before pressing his lips shut, moving his eyes back upward to look at him again. 

Aleks blinked at that, and James could see his cheeks flush a light pink color despite the dim lighting. Chicago was loud and busy outside their tiny little fortress, the sounds of cars and sirens and people almost deafening but all of that was drowned out now by the way James’ heart was suddenly pounding painfully against his rib cage. 

And it wasn’t the normal type, the rapid sensation that always took a hold of him when Aleks was around him, looking so flawless and beautiful and soft. This was a new kind of beating, and it gripped his heart like a heavy fist, clenching until it felt like it was squeezing all of the blood from within. 

It felt like pure fucking panic. 

James had his arms hooked beneath Aleks’ thighs in an instant, picking him up like a child and yanking him to his torso, forcing Aleks’ legs to hook around his waist at the sudden movement. He gave a loud yelp, throwing his arms around James’ neck just as he made a beeline for the stairs, somehow managing to make his way up them as he was simultaneously kissing Aleks’ neck.

“James…” Aleks’ voice was breathy in his ear, and James felt his heart rate begin to pick up even more as he shoved the bedroom door open with his hand, keeping Aleks up with one arm. He moved his lips down to a spot near his collarbone, grazing his teeth against his pale skin and Aleks groaned, throwing his head back instinctively and James felt his nails dig into the back of his neck. 

“Oh, God…” James kicked the door shut behind him, stumbling towards the bed before tossing Aleks onto the mattress, immediately climbing over him and leaning down. He roughly knocked his knee against Aleks’ own to open his legs and pressed his hands on the mattress on either side of his face, holding his weight up as he bent forward and pressed his lips to Aleks’, barely giving him time to breathe. 

Aleks’ body arched up immediately, desperate to make contact with James’ own and he had one of his legs hooked back around his waist in an instant, his arms looping back around his neck to keep him down, letting James coax his mouth open with his tongue. James felt him moan into his mouth, soft and euphoric and blissful and he felt the hand on his heart begin to clench even tighter, twisting ever so slightly so that the pain in his chest was almost unbearable. 

James didn’t realize how bad his hands were shaking until he was trying to get Aleks’ pants off, fingers fidgeting messily with the button as he struggled to get it open. He pulled his lips away from Aleks’ briefly, tilting his head down to get a better look as Aleks struggled to catch his breath, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he panted. 

“Baby…” James ignored him, ignored how fucking gone he sounded and somehow managed to undo the button, slipping his fingers beneath the waistband and tugging on it. He could faintly feel Aleks’ hands on his chest, felt his hand suddenly make contact with his chin and trying its hardest to urge his head back up, trying to get his attention. 

“James, look at me, please…” James swallowed thickly, realizing he was slowly beginning to lose feeling in his fingertips as his breathing sped up, still avoiding his eyes completely as his head stayed lowered, giving up on his jeans and instead going for his shirt, snaking his hands up the sides of his tattooed torso, yanking the fabric up as he did. 

He lifted his head up slightly and immediately dipped down for another kiss, moving his hands to grip either side of Aleks’ face in some sort of desperate attempt to keep him there, to keep him whole, to keep it from feeling like he was about to dissipate like ashes falling between his fingertips. 

Aleks grunted against his mouth, shaking his head quickly and James felt his hands wrap themselves around his wrists, gripping them tightly and pulling them away from his face. 

“James, STOP!” The sudden escalation of his voice startled James and he paused momentarily, just enough time for Aleks to quickly push him away, sitting up immediately and staring at him with wide, panicked eyes. 

James fell silent, pressing his hands into the mattress on either side of him to try and mask how bad he was shaking now, swallowing thickly as Aleks frowned, studying his face carefully for a moment, his brow furrowed. 

“What’s the matter? All the color in your face is gone…” James opened his mouth slightly, seeming to forget how to speak, instead letting out a shaky breath instead, staring back at Aleks painfully. His eyes stung with tears, and he immediately tilted his head down, staring fixedly at a spot on the mattress beneath him, trying to ignore how hard it was getting for him to breathe, like his lungs had decided to stop working. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, his wrists still stinging from where Aleks had wrapped his hands around them and shoved him away, wanting nothing more than to vanish into thin air in that moment. He winced when he suddenly felt Aleks’ hand gently make contact with his shoulder, feeling it being pulled away just as quickly afterward.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” he breathed slowly, and James felt his throat begin to close up, the tears beginning to escape from the corners of his eyes. There was absolutely no reason for Aleks to be apologizing for anything; James had practically pinned him down against the bed and for what? All because this sudden feeling of panic had come from nowhere? 

James sniffled at that, his rapid breathing beginning to increase it even more and Aleks’ voice was being to be drowned out by the white noise in his ears, the sound of blood rushing through them as his body threatened to shut down.

“Baby, just breathe for me, okay? Deep ones, in and out...I didn’t mean to touch you, I know you don’t like being touched when you’re having an attack…” So this is what it was? James had, unfortunately, become prone to panic attacks more often as the last year had passed. He supposed it made sense, what with all the trauma he’d gone through the year before. He’d been prone to them as a kid, but he’d managed to grow up of them, or at least learn how to shove all the pain deep down so that it had nowhere else to go. 

But the thing was...he had no idea why he was panicking.

Every single time he’d looked at Aleks in the past 12 hours, ever since they packed their things and made the trip to Chicago, he’d been gripped with this horrible sort of fear that seemed to manifest straight from his chest, like some sort of virus taking over his body. It wasn’t fear of Aleks, not at all...just the fear that something was going to happen to him.

James didn’t realize he was crying until he felt the tears begin to slide off his face, dripping onto the mattress like the beginnings of a rainstorm. Aleks was silent again, and James could faintly see his rigid stance from his knees alone before his eyes blurred with more tears, feeling his chest tighten horribly before he let out a choked sob, bringing his chin to his chest and crying even harder. 

Aleks’ voice was even harder to hear now, despite the fact that he had leaned forward and was now murmuring directly into James’ ear. 

“Come on, James...in and out, remember? You did so well calming yourself down last time, you can do it again, I believe in you…” James let out a miserable sort of choking sound, whimpering slightly before Aleks shushed him gently, his voice still calm in his ear. 

“I’m gonna touch you now, okay? It’s just me, don’t be scared…” James faintly felt Aleks grab onto his hands, gently prying them away from their spots on the comforter before he intertwined their fingers slowly, giving them a soft squeeze. 

And James couldn’t help but cry even harder at that because none of this made any sense. 

This panic attack made no sense. This sudden, gut wrenching fear of losing Aleks despite the fact that he was right here, right in front of him and in no immediate danger made no sense. The fact that Aleks was still here, talking James through his meltdown...nothing made any fucking sense. 

He felt his body begin to give out, like it always did in these moments, and Aleks immediately slid his arms around his shoulders, giving him a place to fall against his chest as James began to sob, his face immediately going into his neck and his arms around his waist. He cried so hard he could barely breathe, horrible cries that wracked his body and clenched at his lungs, his head pounding incessantly. 

Aleks just held him there, keeping him as close as he possibly could as he gently laid them down on the bed, his back becoming flush with the mattress as James laid on his chest like a child.

James hated that he was this way. He hated that he was able to suddenly break like this, that his entire body was able to be hijacked by his brain and sent into pure fucking panic mode out of nowhere. He hated feeling this weak, this broken, like some sort of God awful shipwreck in the middle of a vast ocean.

But, as much as he hated himself for his fucked up mental health, he hated himself even more for how good it felt when Aleks was taking care of him. 

It took what felt like hours for James to finally calm down, trying his hardest to focus on Aleks’ voice and Aleks’ voice only. One of his hands was on his back and the other was in his hair, running his fingers through his curls and rubbing gentle circles into his back. 

“That’s it, baby...you’re okay, yeah? Everything’s alright, I’m right here…” James felt like he’d just resurfaced after nearly drowning, inhaling a deep, shaky breath through his nose as Aleks’ hand drifted slightly downward, running his thumb along his cheek ever so slightly. 

“Look at you…” he murmured, and James didn’t even have to look up to know he was smiling; he could hear it in his voice. “You did that all by yourself.” 

James fell silent, his cheek still pressed against Aleks’ chest as he felt him lean down and press a kiss to the top of his head. His body ached horribly, like it always did after he had an attack and he felt limp in Aleks’ arms, unable to move even if he wanted to. He felt Aleks’ cold fingers suddenly make contact with his skin as he pressed the backs of them to his cheek briefly, and James felt his body being moved slightly as Aleks reached his arm over his head. He opened his eyes just in time to see a water bottle being held in front of his face, the cap already twisted off. 

“Finish this bottle if you can, alright?” Aleks’ gentle voice was almost unbearable at this point. James swallowed back a lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat before pulling one of his hands from beneath Aleks’ waist, reaching over and taking it from him slowly, bringing the bottle to his lips and drinking. 

He could feel Aleks’ eyes on his profile as he drank, feeling them leave only once he finished the entire thing. He took the empty plastic from his hand, setting it down absentmindedly onto the table behind him before he turned back around, bringing his hand back down as he gently undid the tie in James’ hair, letting his curls fall from their usual bun before he began running his fingers through them softly. 

“You’re alright…” he murmured softly into his ear, and James squeezed his eyes shut, unable to keep his mouth shut before he was blurting it out.

“But you’re not.”

He could feel the way Aleks tensed up at that, his hand momentarily pausing in his hair before he sat up a bit, James lifting his head up slowly to meet his concerned eyes. 

“What do you mean by that?” he asked carefully, trying his best to hide the worry from his voice. James swallowed thickly, watching him almost miserably as he sat up, resting his weight on his knees as he stared him down.

“Something bad is going to happen tomorrow.”

Aleks frowned at that, falling silent for a moment as if he were letting James’ words sink into his head. James swallowed a bit, watching him nervously as Aleks’ face seemed to cloud with a million different emotions at once, his brow furrowed slightly. 

“Well...is it the heist? Are you afraid something’s gonna go wrong?” James sighed, reaching his palms up to rub at his eyes wearily, feeling how wet they still were from earlier. 

“See, that’s the thing…I don’t have any reason to think that.” James dropped his hands, meeting Aleks’ eyes again and staring him down, watching him fall silent beneath his gaze. “You all know what you’re doing, we’ve scoped out the place multiple times, we’ve got this planned in every possible way we could, but...there’s this voice in the back of my head, taunting me, telling me over and over not to do it.” He stopped then, taking in Aleks’ face once more and sighing shakily, feeling his eyes beginning to sting again. 

“And every single time I look at you, it’s like...it’s like my body’s preparing itself. I get this pain in my chest like my hearts breaking, like my body knows something I don’t, and that it’s just...it’s waiting for something bad to happen to you.” He felt a couple tears escape his eyes then, sliding down his cheeks slowly and he shrugged his shoulders helplessly, shaking his head a bit. 

“I don’t know what to do, Aleks.” And Aleks was just staring at him now, his face blank as James sniffled, reaching his hands up to wipe them across his cheeks quickly. When he dropped them again Aleks was reaching over and grabbing onto them, clasping them both together in his own before meeting James’ eyes again, staring at him defiantly. 

“You just follow your gut,” he said simply, tilting his head to the side slightly. “That’s all you can do. You’re smart, James. There’s a reason you’ve been in charge for so long. You know what you’re doing. We all get those feelings, those instincts, you just gotta roll with them.” James pressed his lips together, sniffling again but staying silent as Aleks continued. 

“As long as you have your bases covered, you don’t need to worry, yeah?” James could vaguely feel him running his thumb along the inside of his palm, a gentle attempt at keeping him calm. “We can easily get this done without me, if that’s what you want. I just want to ease your conscious. If it sent you into a panic attack, then...it’s gotta be serious. We’re gonna make it work and I’m gonna be perfectly fine, I swear to you.” 

And in that moment, with Aleks’ hands clutching his own and his dark eyes fixed in his own, his voice soft and gentle and warm...James couldn’t help but believe him. 

James found himself nodding slowly, feeling Aleks’ forehead collide gently with his own as he leaned forward, dropping his hands and bringing them up to his face, running his thumbs along the sides of his cheeks and through his beard gently, giving him a soft smile. 

“Baby...it’s gonna take a lot to get rid of me, I’m sorry to say. I’m here for the long run. You and me until the end, boss, remember?” 

James cracked a smile at that, laughing softly as Aleks’ mouth collided with his own, giving him a gentle kiss, drowning out the voice in the back of his mind momentarily. 

Aleks pulled away after a moment, opening his eyes slowly and catching James’ gaze again. 

“Do you want me to stay here with the girls tomorrow?” he asked, reaching up to brush a curl behind his ear gently as James shook his head. 

“No, I’ll feel better if I just keep you at my side…” he murmured, leaning into his touch slightly and closing his eyes. “You’ll just be my watchman for tomorrow.” 

He heard Aleks hum at that, and he opened his eyes and was met with his smiling face, his eyes crinkling slightly at the sides as he stared at him. 

“Are you calling me your right hand man again?” James smiled softly, tilting his head slightly towards the hand that was still on his cheek and pressing a kiss to the inside of his palm. 

“You’re always gonna be my right hand man,” James mused, and Aleks’ face lit up so much that he felt his heart leap somewhere into his throat. 

Aleks insisted that a shower would do them both good, and James found himself standing beneath the surprisingly hot water half an hour later, with Aleks standing behind him, his hands gently massaging shampoo into his wet curls. He tilted his head back slightly, humming contentedly as his fingernails made contact with his scalp. His body still ached horribly from earlier, exhaustion sweeping through his bones like a disease. 

When he has finally dried off and gotten himself dressed and in bed, he could barely keep his eyes open. He laid down on his side, resting his damp hair on his pillow as he watched Aleks through sleepy eyes, following him as he moved about the room, getting things ready for tomorrow morning. 

He finally turned the light off and James felt him climb into bed beside him, his warm body joining his own beneath the blankets. He smiled contentedly to himself as Aleks slid his arms around his waist, and James reached his arms around to pull him close to his body, holding him there as Aleks rested his head against his chest. 

“Goodnight, baby…” Aleks yawned out, his voice already thick with sleep and James pressed a kiss to his forehead gently.

“Goodnight, Aleksandr…” he murmured against his skin, listening silently as Aleks’ breathing slowly began to even out, his back rising and falling slowly against James’ arms. 

He reached a hand up slowly, gently beginning to run his fingers through his dark hair before tilting his head down slightly and whispering in his ear. 

“I’m never gonna let them take your smile away, I promise.” 

He still wonders if Aleks heard him that night. 

James woke up the next morning before anyone else, slowly untangling himself from Aleks’ limbs in the still dark lighting. He glanced at his phone, realizing he still had a good half hour before he had told everyone else to get up. He turned his head, glancing down at Aleks’ sleeping face and sighed a bit, reaching over to push some stray hair from his eyes. He smiled a bit as Aleks mumbled in his sleep, moving his head slightly at the touch before he turned on his other side, burying his face back into his pillow. 

James got up and methodically got dressed, making sure everything was in his bag despite the fact that he’d barely unpacked anything after arriving the night before. He took his time, slow with all of his movements until he heard Aleks’ alarm go off, looking up in time to see his boyfriend groan and grab his phone a little too harshly from the side table. 

“God, it’s always too early for this…” he grumbled to himself, and James cracked a smile at that, zipping up his bag before turning towards the bed and walking over.

“If it were up to you, we’d do all our heists at night,” he commented, and Aleks sighed dramatically, throwing his arms over his face.

“Yes, exactly! There’s absolutely no reason to be awake at this ungodly hour.” James smirked, sitting down on the edge of the bed beside him and reaching his hand out to run his fingers through his now tangled, messy hair. 

“Good thing I’m running things and you aren’t.” Aleks dropped his arms and rolled his eyes, his face still tired and his voice thick with sleep.

“Yeah, yeah…” He cracked a smile, beckoning James forward with his hands. He reached over as James obliged, taking his face gently in his hands and kissing him softly, humming softly into his mouth before pulling away. “You’re the best man for the job.”

By the time 7 am rolled around, James was downstairs in the living room, leaning against the wall as he silently watched everyone putting their vests on. He watched idly as Lindsey helped Aleks with his, listening to everyone casually talking like it was the most normal thing in the world. 

Which, he guesses, it was for them.

He looked down at his own vest, fidgeting with the front for a moment before another pair of hands interrupted him, and he looked up to see Anna standing in front of him, smiling softly as she began to check the straps in the front. 

“Someone’s gotta make sure you’re all safe too, boss,” she murmured quietly, and James smiled at that, dropping his hands and letting her quickly check the sides. “Looks good to me.” 

James hummed a bit in response, watching as she dropped her hands back down to her side. He glanced up at her face, her earpiece already resting around her neck and her long hair pulled up in a ponytail, catching her eye. 

“Thank you,” he murmured in response, his voice soft but genuine. She smiled, shrugging her shoulders in response before Lindsey appeared to her right, reaching out to touch her arm gently. 

“All finished?” Anna nodded and James could see her cheeks flush a light pink color as Lindsey leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple. He smiled to himself, staying quiet as he pushed himself off of his spot on the wall, taking a couple steps to his left so that he could better see everyone, waiting momentarily as they caught sight of him and quieted down.

“I don’t need to say anything else...you’re all smart. You’ve all done this before. Just keep your eyes peeled, keep an open ear for Lindsey, stay in pairs...and we’ll be out in a matter of minutes and thousands of dollars richer.” James grinned at the way everyone cheered then, clapping loudly and he caught sight of Aleks’ face across the room, feeling his heart leap into his throat as he watched him wink. 

They all piled into the van, leaving Anna and Lindsey standing in the doorway to see them out. Aleks immediately curled into James’ side in the middle seat, taking time to make sure his gun was loaded as Asher began speeding off. He kept silent the entire way, watching Trevor on his left and Brett in the passenger seat before he turned his gaze out the window, watching the city blur past him. 

The panicked feeling had subsided, at least somewhat. He felt safer now, with his hand on Aleks’ thigh and his body resting against his side, felt like he had this protection over him that was enough to drown out the paranoia that had taken over him last night. 

Aleks turned his head slightly, glancing up at James for a brief moment before leaning over and pressing a kiss to the side of his arm, up near his shoulder. James felt his neck flush slightly as Trevor gagged loudly next to them.

“Not in the van, not in the VAN!” James smirked, shaking his head as Aleks leaned over and smacked at his arm, Trevor gasping dramatically and getting laughter from Brett and Asher. 

By the time they reached the site, James was feeling good, Aleks’ hand clasped in his left and his gun cocked and ready in his right. They leapt out of the car and into the still dark morning, their footsteps heavy against the concrete as they ran up to the door, listening for Lindsey’s word before they pushed the door open and ran inside. 

 

The bank was empty, every single one of their movements echoing tenfold in the vast hallways. James glanced up, nodding once towards Brett and Trevor before he watched them set off towards the back where the vaults were. He slowly let go of Aleks’ hand, reaching up to press on the side of his earpiece. 

“All clear, Lindsey?” He listened to the static for a brief moment before he heard her voice come through.

“You’re good to go, I cut the alarm system so try and be out of there within the next 10 minutes.” James thanked her, turning his head to glance at Aleks, who was standing in the middle of the room, frowning up at the ceiling, still holding his gun in front of his chest. 

“What’s wrong?” James asked slowly, walking over and approaching him. Aleks seemed to ignore him, tilting his head to the side slightly, his pale fingers gripping tightly onto the handle of his pistol. James frowned, standing at his side for a moment before tilting his head up to follow his boyfriend’s gaze, his eyes ending up on a small, blinking green light, directly in the middle of the ceiling. 

“Lindsey said she shut everything down, right?” James blinked, nodding slowly as he stared at the tiny light before Aleks continued.

“Then...what is that?” 

James opened his mouth to respond, but was immediately cut off by the sudden sound of faint beeping. The light on the ceiling had suddenly turned red, and James could hear the pace beginning to speed up rapidly. 

James felt like time seemed to still then. He tilted his head back down, meeting Aleks’ wide brown eyes as realization hit them both at the same time. His body was two steps ahead of his mind, and he found himself throwing over his hand for Aleks to grab onto, their fingers meeting and intertwining themselves over the rough, rubber fabric of their gloves. 

He could still faintly hear the beeping, signaling that they were running out of time faster than they could think and James immediately turned on his heel, his legs already beginning to run the opposite direction, keeping his hand tight on Aleks’ own. He just had to get them out of the way of the blast zone, out of the place where the ceiling was about to cave in and bury them alive in concrete and plaster.

That was all he had to do.

It was his one job.

What kind of a leader couldn’t even do his one fucking job?

James heard the beeping of the bomb stop just as the the blast went off, shattering his eardrums and the ceiling fell faster than he ever would have anticipated. He whipped his head around, his eyes immediately being hit with a blast of dust that made them sting and, within the matter of what felt like milliseconds, Aleks’ hand was no longer in his grip and he was throwing himself across the marble floor, barely missing the heavy chunks of rubble that rained down like rocks in a volcanic explosion. 

He felt his knees and palms make contact with the hard floor, throwing his arms over his head and squeezing his eyes shut as the chaos ensued, and then ended just as quickly as it came. A horrible, heavy sort of silence filled the foyer then, the sound of tiny pebbles rolling their way down what James could only assume was a huge pile of concrete and plaster in the middle of the floor echoing dismally through it. 

His mouth was dry, his heart suddenly pounding not only from the shock of what had just happened but sheer panic now, the same kind that had shown up last night, squeezing tightly with its invisible hands. James lifted his head ever so slowly, blinking away dust from his eyes before he turned his head behind him, feeling his stomach sink as he stared blankly at the mess that was in front of him.

The sun was just beginning to rise in the sky above him, tingeing the clouds with a light pink color as the dim light began to flood through the now gaping hole in the ceiling. He suddenly let out a long breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, slowly pushing himself up to stand as his brain struggled to piece together what had just happened. 

His hands were shaking now, and lifted one up to wipe at his face with his gloved fingertips, freezing up instantly as he suddenly realized there was no other noise coming from the other side of the pile.

“Aleks?” He coughed suddenly, the noise echoing loudly through the hall as he struggled to breathe through the dust that had now permeated the air. He took a step forward, his boots stumbling slightly over misshapen pieces of concrete as he moved to the left, his heart still pounding against his ribcage violently.

“Aleks…” He felt sick now, bile rising up his throat and coating his tongue like poison as nothing but silence answered him in return. He reached the other side of the pile, his knees nearly giving out as he was met with nothing but empty space.

“Oh, my God…” He barely heard Brett and Trevor’s heavy footsteps come running down the hall, skidding to a stop on either side of him.

“Where’s Aleks?” Brett’s voice sounded fuzzy in his ears, like James had suddenly been shoved underwater and everything was being muted. James stared blankly at the giant pile in front of him, his brain seeming to shut down entirely as the room suddenly fell silent again, the two other men finally piecing everything together. 

“Jesus Christ, no…” Brett’s voice was muffled against what James could only assume were his own hands clasped over his mouth, and he felt the sudden urge to vomit again. He heard his gun hit the floor before he’d even realized he dropped it, taking a step towards the rubble before he suddenly lunged forward, grabbing whatever pieces he could and throwing them behind him. He could hear the two men scatter behind him, eager to get out of his line of fire but he didn’t care anymore. 

“Aleks, please...no, Aleks, come on…” He grabbed ahold of anything he could, instantly throwing it to the side as he desperately tried to tear through the mess, feeling the shock begin to set in like ice in his bones.

The sound of sirens should’ve been enough to stop him, but James barely heard them over the rushing of blood in his own ears. He kept clawing, his hands aching and his gloves growing more and more grey with dust as he felt his breathing begin to speed up, swallowing down more bile. 

“Aleks, you can’t...you can’t do this to me, do you understand? I’m gonna get you out, don’t worry…” James felt his cheeks growing steadily more and more wet as he tossed another huge rock aside, letting it slide across the marble floor behind him. The sirens were getting louder, but he just didn’t care anymore. 

He wasn’t leaving this damn place without Aleks. 

He felt Trevor’s hand reach over to grab his arm but he shoved it away quickly, refusing to tear his gaze away from his work. A few seconds later, Brett’s much stronger hands were on his shoulders, and James felt himself being pulled away before he could find something to grab onto.

“What are you doing?! Let me go, stop it!” His voice cracked horribly and he felt like his chest were caving in on itself, desperately trying to wriggle his way free. “We can’t leave him, we can’t leave Aleks behind, let me GO!” James could see the faded red and blue lights through the blurriness of tears in his eyes, still kicking his feet against the ground like a child as Brett half dragged, half carried him outside. 

The sun was almost out now, and he heard the sound of the van door being yanked open and Trevor screaming at Asher. The sirens were close now, and James could hear men beginning to yell and guns being shot all around him as Brett threw him inside the vehicle, his back hitting the seats painfully below them.

James managed to scramble up just in time to see the door being slammed shut, his gaze immediately going towards the the bank, watching police officers swarming the building like ants. He felt his body lurch backward as Asher hit the gas pedal, hot tears spilling freely from his eyes now.

“Aleks, no!” He was banging his palms against the glass window now, feeling the sobs he’d been choking down suddenly begin to come up, his chest aching horribly as he struggled to breathe. He could hear gunshots hitting the side of their van, and he could hear Brett shooting at them from the backseat, and Trevor yelling into his earpiece and Asher demanding to know what had happened and it was too much for James. 

He let his forehead hit the glass in front of him, the dull pain nothing compared to the way his heart felt. He closed his eyes, gasping loudly for air every few seconds as his lungs tried to function past his awful sobs, his head pounding and palms still pressed against the glass, stinging slightly from hitting the window.

He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping for a split second that this might all be a dream, a horrible, stupid, fucked up nightmare and that when he opened them he’d be in bed again, and Aleks would be fast asleep at his side, and his arms would be around his waist like always and he’d feel okay and there wouldn’t be this gaping hole in his chest where his heart used to be anymore. 

But, this was real. The aching in his hands and the bruises on his arms proved that much, and James isn’t sure but he’s almost positive that there was no way in hell you could experience this much pain unconsciously, even in a nightmare. 

He doesn’t remember the drive back to the safehouse at all; Lindsey threw the door open as soon as the van stopped and James had to catch himself to keep from falling out as she gasped, immediately rushing forward. 

“James! Jesus Christ, are you alright? Did you get hurt?” He could vaguely feel her small, gentle hands on his body and face, checking him quickly for any open wounds as everyone else piled out behind him, all swarming in around Anna. 

James felt numb, his eyes refusing to focus on anything as Lindsey took his face in her hands, frowning deeply as she held him there, staring him down in some sort of attempt to bring him back. 

“James? Can you hear me?” Her voice was foggy and James simply ignored her, staring blankly at nothing before he heard Anna’s voice ring out above everyone else.

“What do you mean Aleks is dead?” 

James was out of the van before anyone had a chance to respond. He quickly shoved Lindsey away, his clammy hands making contact with her arms as he pushed past her and stumbled forward, boots knocking heavily onto the pavement behind the house. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, six pairs of eyes staring into his soul as he placed a palm against the side of the van, his knees shaking horribly and his staggered breathing the only thing being heard amongst the silence.

And then suddenly he was bent over, and all of the nausea that he’d been holding in hit him all at once and he was throwing up anything and everything in his system onto the ground beneath him, throat burning and eyes stinging. He coughed up bile and spit and he wished he was dead, wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole so that he wouldn’t have to face the rest of his team and tell him that he wasn’t able to hold onto Aleks’ hand, wasn’t able to pull him away from the collapsing ceiling and he wasn’t able protect him, not this time...not ever again.

The sheer thought of that is enough to send James gagging and he kneels over once more, realizing there’s nothing more to throw up as Lindsey’s gentle hands find his body again, rubbing down his shoulders and back as she quietly shushes him, leaning forward slightly. 

“Come on, just breathe…” James squeezed his eyes shut, only halfway attempting to listen to her because the sheer thought of trying to breathe is making his lungs sore. 

He managed, though, and slowly found himself beginning to stand up again, his back aching slightly as Lindsey glanced nervously up at him, dropping her hands to her side before chewing on her bottom lip.

He could hear voices escalating again, loud and overlapping one another as James leaned against the side of the van, the back of his vest bumping against the freshly new bullet holes on the metal side. Lindsey took another hesitant step closer, staring closely as his face but remaining silent as Trevor’s loud voice rang out above the others.

“Look, there was no reason for the bomb to be there! Someone had to have planted it beforehand, you don’t just have that kind of stuff planted in national banks as a security measure. Why would they risk destroying the entire building like they did?” 

Anna’s voice sounded visibly distressed now, giving a sort of helpless sigh and James lifted his head slightly, blinking slowly as he watched her throw her hands up. 

“Well, how did they know we were coming?! How did they know anything?! There’s no way they could’ve known, we changed the plan last minute this morning!” The rest of the boys fell silent, all staring at her with looks that came with having nothing to respond with, their faces sunk and eyes lost.

James frowned suddenly, furrowing his eyebrows as he pushed himself up to stand again, hands making contact with the cold metal of the van behind him. Lindsey took a step back now, watching him nervously as he raised a hand up, pointing to the rest of his team in front of him. 

“Which one of you has been fucking talking?” he growled, his voice dropping what felt like several octaves. Trevor’s mouth fell open slowly, gaping at him as Asher sighed, raising his hands to rub at his eyes. Anna kept her mouth shut, trying and failing to hide the hurt on her face as she crossed her arms over her chest and Brett groaned in exasperation, shaking his head. 

“Don’t,” he spat back, narrowing his eyes at James. “You’re not gonna do this to us. You KNOW that we would never-”

James cut him off abruptly, snapping his fingers once as Brett reluctantly stopped, gritting his teeth and glaring as James took a step forward, staring him down darkly.

“I don’t know anything anymore,” he said, and he didn’t like the way his voice was suddenly dripping with pain again. “I don’t know what happened today, or why, but now Aleks is gone and this was all fucking planned, it was staged and I have no fucking idea who did it but all I do know is that the info had to get out somehow, am I wrong!?” His voice had escalated during his speech and now he was inches away from Brett, his face slightly red and visibly angry. 

When he was answered with nothing but silence, James gritted his own teeth and closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. 

“I said...am I wrong?” All he could hear was the gentle morning wind whistling in his ears, and the sound of screeching tires faintly in the distance as the city began to wake up from its peaceful slumber. He let a few seconds pass, feeling himself growing more and more angry before he shook his head, opening his eyes and pulling his arm back, his fist making contact with Brett’s jawline before he could stop himself.

Chaos erupted then; James felt Brett’s hands reach over and grab onto his neck, shoving them both down onto the asphalt beneath them. His back hit the ground hard, his head knocking into the hard substance as Brett swung at him, his knuckles meeting the side of James’ temple painfully as he pinned him down. Lindsey was yelling now, as was Anna and through the angry blurriness that had taken over his vision he could see Asher and Trevor swoop in, and he felt a pair of arms grab onto his shoulder, pulling him back quickly as Brett’s weight was lifted off of him. 

“ENOUGH!” Lindsey yelled loudly, and James kicked his legs angrily, eager to make any contact with Brett that he could in a desperate attempt to further injure him. He shoved what he realized were Asher’s hands off his arms, stumbling forward slightly into Lindsey and Anna, who were now standing in the middle of them, looking not only upset but pissed as well. 

“None of that, do you fucking hear me?!” Lindsey glared pointedly at James for a few seconds before turning to Brett, who was spitting out blood onto the ground at his feet. He lifted his head up, eyes narrowing again as soon as he made eye contact with James again. 

“Listen to me, please.” Lindsey was staring at James again, stepping forward and urging him to meet her eyes. “You know as well as I do that no one would ever betray you like this. You’ve been nothing but good to us, there’s no need for us to leak our own plans.” James finally tore his gaze away from Brett’s, meeting the woman’s eyes slowly as he felt blood began to drip down from his temple, down the side of his face. 

“There’s no...we can’t bring Aleks back, we just can’t, okay?” James felt his chest tighten at his words, his stomach lurching horribly but he managed to keep his mouth shut as she kept talking. “We’re being watched, there’s no other way around it. I don’t know how, and I don’t know for how long, but it’s not coincidence that the bomb was there. But it was, and it went off, and...we can’t go back and fix it. All we can do now is pack up and run, figure out what’s going on and make sure it never fucking happens again.” 

As if on cue, James heard the unmistakable sound of sirens, cutting her off and marking the end of her speech. He looked up suddenly, everyone else’s heads following suit at the exact same time as they stared off towards the city, sucking in collective breaths. 

“We’ve gotta go, now.” Asher was the first to break the silence and everyone but James seemed to hear him, immediately beginning to bolt inside to grab what they could of their things. He stood there on the pavement, frozen in place before he felt Anna’s small hand grab onto his own, tugging him inside with all her might behind him. 

“James, come on! Grab your stuff and let’s go!” she pleaded, and James blinked, managing to snap back to his senses enough to rush inside after her, stumbling slightly against the front steps before he was running upstairs. He felt the familiar warmth of adrenaline begin to pump through his veins again, giving him slight feeling back in his limbs. He threw open the bedroom door, making a beeline for his backpack and throwing it over his shoulder as the sirens grew closer and closer. 

He turned his head, feeling a wave of nausea hitting him as he saw Aleks’ bag sitting on the floor beside the bed, neatly zipped up and ready to go. His mind was screaming at him to grab it, to bring it to the van and throw it in the back and act like Aleks was still here, still rushing around at his side and still very much alive.

But he wasn’t.

James went to turn his head away, deeming the clothes and other things in the bag useless to a dead person before his eye caught the familiar golden glint of something on the bedside table.

James felt himself blanch, his heart stopping for a moment as he realized it was Aleks’ locket.

“JAMES! LET’S GO!” Trevor’s loud, panicked voice interrupted his thoughts, and before he could think about it he lurched forward and grabbed the necklace, clutching it in his palm before he bolted out of the room, taking the steps two at a time and running out the back door, the sirens nearly deafening now as they echoed across tall buildings and houses down the street. 

He jumped inside the van, Asher speeding off before he even had a chance to shut the door, being thrown forward into the passenger seat in front of him. The sound of glass shattering behind him stunned him temporarily, looking up to see Brett and Trevor crouched down in the backseat and Lindsey and Anna covering their heads with their arms in the middle beside him. 

He reached down, grabbing his pistol from his belt before cocking it angrily, leaning over the two men in the backseat and aiming with both his hands, taking a few choice shots and watching the parade of cop cars they now had on their tail begin to skid and slide off the road. 

James ignored everyone and everything else around him, instead focusing only on firing bullets into the driver’s side of every single windshield behind him, aiming for their skulls and nothing else. The tunnel vision was setting in, and he was vaguely aware of Brett and Trevor on either side of him but they remained still, holding tightly onto the seats behind them for support as Asher whipped around another corner, Lindsey and Anna shrieking as they tumbled around.

One by one, James got rid of all the cars behind them, quickly but efficiently loading his pistol when he had to, jamming the bottom of the magazine against his thigh before lifting it again and taking aim. By the time Asher hit the outskirts of the city, all of the cops that had been following them were now trapped in a huge pile up or dead in the front seat with a bullet in their head. 

The silence that filled the car then was deafening. James slowly slid himself back down into the middle seat between the two girls, turning to face the front and letting his back hit the leather behind him. He tilted his head down, staring at the gun in his hands for a moment, feeling Lindsey and Anna’s eyes on his sides and Brett and Trevor’s from behind. After a moment, he realized his knuckles were still pale white from gripping the handle too hard and he slowly began to unclench, feeling as Aleks’ necklace slipped from his palm and landed on top of his thigh, shiny and bright against the dark fabric of his pants. 

James could faintly hear the sound of the road beneath the van, tires against asphalt and the gentle hum of the engine. He stared blankly at the locket for a moment, as if just realizing it was there, before dropping the gun onto the floor abruptly.

He didn’t know what to do anymore. Aleks was gone and his locket was here, the weight of it feeling infinitely heavy against his leg and suddenly his lungs didn’t seem to want to work, and his heart was aching like it’d just been beaten to a pulp and and his head still hurt from Brett punching him and, for the first time in a long time, he wished he were just fucking dead. 

James reached a shaky hand over to his thigh, clasping onto the necklace once more and holding it tightly in his palm before the first sob escaped his lips. He managed cover his face with his hands, sinking lower into his seat before the real crying started. 

He remembers snippets; he remembers the way his lungs burned from lack of air, desperately trying to keep him from passing out as he took gasping breaths in between every sob. He remembers Lindsey’s gentle hands on his back, rubbing softly against his shirt and shoulders and trying her hardest to soothe him in any way that she could. He remembers Anna’s slender arms wrapping themselves around his left bicep, holding him in the best possible way that she could as her own hot tears began to spill onto his shirtsleeve as she leaned her head on his arm. 

He’d finally done the thing his mother had told him never to do; James had let them take his smile away.

He figured all of the shock and trauma from the morning got to him at some point, because the next thing he remembered was waking up, and the sky outside was dark again. They were still in the van, the road vacant around them and the occasional lights of small gas stations and dingy motels passing by in the window. James blinked his eyes open slowly, his head throbbing already before he glanced around carefully. 

Asher was still driving, eyes on the road and the soft sound of music playing from the radio. He was leaned against Lindsey’s side, who was fast asleep on the window to her right, and he could feel Anna’s weight on his left side, the three of them laying like some sort of domino effect. He lifted his head slightly, swallowing roughly as he heard Trevor and Brett’s light snores from the backseat.

Very slowly, James managed to sit himself up, careful not to wake Lindsey and even more careful not to wake Anna. He gently adjusted her body, shifting her slightly against his side before he leaned against the back of the seat again, watching as Asher turned his head briefly to glance at him before looking back at the road. 

“Hey, boss…” he murmured slowly, his pitiful tone making James feel sick again. “We’re in South Dakota now...just a few minutes from Sioux Falls, I think…” James reached up and rubbed at his eyes wearily, nodding his head slowly. 

“You can stop when we get there...just find a motel for the night, you’ve gotta be exhausted…” Asher shrugged his shoulders a bit, keeping his eyes fixed on the road and his hands on the wheel. 

“I’m alright, you know I’m used to the driving now.” James hummed quietly in response, glancing down at his hands. He could still feel Aleks’ locket in his left palm, and he shifted his hand up his thigh and slipped it into his pocket before Asher started to speak again. 

“Listen, I don’t…” He let his voice trail off for a moment, and James heard him sigh before he continued on. “I don’t know what it feels like to lose someone you love as much as you did Aleks.” James could feel bile beginning to rise up in his throat again, and he half debated cutting him off but decided against it. 

“We’re all hurting, that’s evident, but...I’m sure it’s nothing compared to what you’re feeling.” James kept silent, listening to the sound of the road beneath his feet as Asher gave another sad sigh. “What I’m trying to say, is that...we’re all here for you. You don’t have to bottle all of this in just to seem, I don’t know...tough or something. We’re not leaving, and that respect we have isn’t going to just...disappear. You’ve done your part and earned it from us, so...we just want to help in return.” 

James lifted his head at that, glancing into the rearview mirror and catching Asher’s eye. He simply stared at him for a moment, his brain slightly fuzzy as he struggled to process what he’d just told him. Asher waited patiently, his eyes darting back and forth from the mirror to the road every few seconds before James started to nod slowly, blinking his eyes.

“Thank you…” he managed out, hoping his voice didn’t sound as dazed as he felt. Asher nodded once, managing a small smile before he shifted around in his seat slightly, passing up an entrance sign for Sioux Falls before opening his mouth again.

“And, just so you know...none of us said anything. I hope you know that. We’d never do that to Aleks, or to you.” James was suddenly aware of the throbbing pain in his temple from earlier, absentmindedly reaching his hand up to touch the sensitive wound before guilt began to flood through his veins like ice water.

“I know…” he mumbled softly, averting his eyes and dipping his head down before falling into silence once again.

They ended up at a small motel a few minutes later, everyone slowly beginning to wake up as the car stopped. They all piled out monotonously, still half asleep and James tried his best to ignore the way everyone was looking at him. He kept his eyes fixed on the ground, telling them to get some rest and not worry about waking up at a specific time before they all began their treks to the office. 

He lingered behind, standing in front of the van and staring at the rundown motel in front of him, blinking slowly in the harsh fluorescent lights with his bag on his shoulder and wondering if he even had it in him to go inside. He watched idly as everyone began filtering out of the office slowly, sleepy eyed and worn out. He saw Lindsey and Anna leave first, both of them walking back over to him with worried eyes.

“Are you gonna be okay by yourself tonight? You can always stay with us…” Anna nodded in agreement with Lindsey, the two of them staring at him anxiously before he shook his head a bit. 

“I’ll be okay…” he murmured, managing what he hoped was a convincing enough, although very weary smile. “Get some rest, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.” Their faces didn’t seem to change much but they nodded nevertheless, their eyes lingering a bit too long on his face for James’ comfort before they turned around and walked back to the building, taking the stairs to the second floor.

James watched them go for a moment before the office door caught his eye again, looking down in time to see it open and Brett, Trevor and Asher walk out. He could hear them talking quietly, their voices carrying across the parking lot before he saw Brett turn his head slightly, meeting his gaze from afar for a brief moment. 

He swallowed a bit, watching as Brett waved off Trevor and Asher, telling them to go to their rooms before he turned on his heel and made his way across the wet pavement of the lot. James shifted uneasily on his feet, his boots squeaking slightly as the other man finally arrived, standing in front of him and fidgeting idly with the strap on his backpack.

“Listen, James…” James shook his head quickly, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again.

“Don’t. It’s my fault, I never should’ve hit you like that...I had no right.” Brett kept silent, watching him with a furrowed brow as James reached up, running a hand through his own curls nervously. “I just...I don’t know. So much was happening and I didn’t know how to deal with it...that’s no excuse, not at all, but...I’m sorry.” He let his hand drop back down, grimacing internally at his shitty apology but his brain was so exhausted at this point, so worn out and run down that he felt like he was going to collapse at any moment. 

“I get it, you know.” James blinked slowly at Brett’s voice, his head now bowed and his tone suddenly softer but still weary. “I know what you’re feeling. I lost my fiancée a few years ago, some asshole of a drunk driver hit her while she was driving home one night after work.” James frowned deeply at that, watching Brett’s face contort slightly with a sudden flurry of different emotions before he lifted his head up again, meeting his eyes painfully. 

“It hurts for awhile. Some days you don’t feel like getting up and you just...think about them. Try and conjure them up in any way you can because that’s better than rolling over in bed and realizing they’re not there.” He paused for a moment, giving James a chance to breathe and try and fight off the stinging tears in his eyes before he spoke again.

“But it gets better. Not completely but...it’s easier now. You still think of them, but it doesn’t hurt as bad after awhile. You’ll get there, I know it.” There was a calm silence that fell then, filling the air in between them as James stared blankly back at him, taking in his weary face and slight frown.

“I didn’t...I had no idea…” Brett shrugged a bit, watching quietly as James stumbled over his own words. “I’m really sorry…”

“It’s fine; I didn’t expect you to know. I haven’t told anyone, really. I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff we keep hidden from each other, you know?” He lifted his head and glanced up at the sky, thick with clouds as thunder rumbled distantly. James kept his mouth shut, staring at the ground beneath them before he saw Brett tilt his head back down and he looked up to meet his eyes again. 

“I’m in room 202, just in case you need to talk.” James nodded slowly at that, watching as Brett began to turn on his heel before he reached out quickly, grabbing ahold of his arm gently to get his attention.

“Hey, Brett…” Brett turned around, blinking back at him with slight confusion, raising an eyebrow before James managed to speak.

“Thank you,” he said simply, dropping his hand after a moment. Brett smiled a bit, nodding once before turning again and leaving, walking across the parking lot and to the stairwell the rest of the crew had disappeared up. James watched him cross the balcony upstairs, reaching the end of the hall before unlocking his door and stepping inside, shutting it behind him and leaving James alone once more. 

He managed to drag himself into the office and get a room from the obviously very drunk man at the desk, clutching the key in his hand as he trudged up the stairs and into his bedroom. The room was dismal, wallpaper peeling off the walls and the carpet decorated with an amicable amount of stains. He shut the door, dropping his bag onto the bed before turning the light on, watching the bulb flicker once before coming on entirely, bathing the room in dim, yellow light. 

He took one look at the bathroom and decided that a shower was out of the question, shutting the door and sitting down on the edge of his bed, slowly unstrapping and peeling his bulletproof vest off of his body. His lungs were grateful for the sudden lack of pressure on them, and he inhaled a long, deep breath then, closing his eyes and letting it out through his nose, shoulders slumping slightly as he did. 

When he went to change his clothes for the night, he reached into his bag and pulled out a shirt, feeling his blood run cold as he realized it was one of Aleks’. He stared at it blankly for a moment, the fabric feeling weirdly foreign in his grasp. Before he could think twice he was shoving it back into the bag, eager to get it away from him as he tossed it onto the floor, listening to it hit the ground with a loud thump.

He went to bed with his hands feeling dirty and the necklace in his pocket heavier than lead. 

It took him what seemed like hours to fall asleep, and everytime he closed his eyes he was bombarded with the sound of the bomb going off, and the roof collapsing, and his vision was blurry and he could hear Aleks screaming his name, over and over again despite the fact that James hadn’t remembered him doing that before. 

Each time he woke up he was covered in more sweat, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he struggled to catch his breath again. 

And then, around 6 in the morning, when the sun was just beginning to pour through the slit of the curtains in his window, his phone began to rang. 

James almost missed it; his phone had fallen from his pocket in the middle of the night and was now buzzing loudly on the floor beside him, dragging him from his fitful sleep. He opened his eyes, blinking rapidly as he struggled to figure out where the sound was coming from. 

He found himself sitting up slowly, his ears better exposed to the noise before he realized where it was, leaning over the side of his bed and picking up the temporary flip phone he’d gotten specifically for this heist. He frowned at the number, unrecognizable with an area code he was unfamiliar with. 

He almost let it finish ringing, feeling the soft vibration of the phone against his palm for a few seconds more before he flipped it open, holding it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“James? James, is that you?!”

For a split second, James was positive he’d lost his mind. Or maybe he was dead, had passed away in his sleep and this was now hell, where he most definitely belonged and the Devil himself was playing a sick, twisted trick on him. 

He froze up immediately, his entire body rigid with blatant shock as he failed to respond. There was the sound of muffled static on the other end of the line for a moment, followed by another panicked cry.

“James, oh God, please say something, please tell me they didn’t get to you…” James somehow managed to part his lips, his mouth dry and his entire body running cold before he finally, miraculously, got himself to respond. 

“Aleks?” 

There was a loud muffled noise, like the phone was suddenly being grabbed or pushed against something and James could hear Aleks’ voice try to yell out his name once more before it was cut off, ending the call abruptly and leaving James in silence once more. 

It took him a few seconds before he was bolting out of bed, throwing open his door and stepping into the hot, humid air outside. It had stormed overnight, leaving a murky amount of fog that clouded the sun’s light and cast a sense of pure gloominess over the motel. 

James nearly slipped on the slick surface of the balcony floor as he ran down it, making a beeline for Lindsey and Anna’s door. He was pounding on it relentlessly for only a few moments before the door was yanked open and Lindsey was staring at him, angry at first but her eyes widening when she realized who it was. 

“James? Jesus Christ, you scared the fuck out of-“ James ignored her, pushing his way inside hastily before he turned on his heel, barely seeing Anna on the other side of the room before he was thrusting his phone at her, his hands shaking as he did. 

“I need you to trace a call back,” he managed out, his breathing heavy and stomach churning. Lindsey merely stared at him, her mouth slightly agape and eyebrows raised before James was fighting back tears now, and he wasn’t quite sure where they were from exactly, but they stung his eyes nevertheless, clouding his vision slightly. 

“Lindsey...I heard him. Aleks. He called me.” He watched as sudden realization hit her face, immediately lurching forward and grabbing the device. Anna immediately perked up, rushing over quickly to her side as she opened it, Lindsey shaking her head quickly. 

“James, I can’t...I can’t trace it unless he’s on the phone. The number’s useless, especially if it’s temporary.” She looked up at him then, meeting his eyes painfully as James felt his stomach churn again, his chest beginning to rise and fall rapidly once more. 

“Well, I mean...this, you have…you have to be able to do SOMETHING,” he stammered out, feeling himself begin to bounce his weight back and forth nervously on his feet. “He was...he was so scared, and he kept calling my name, and at first I thought it was another nightmare, but you can’t...I can’t do that in my head. His voice was so clear, Lindsey…” His voice cracked at that and he had to stop, squeezing his eyes shut for a brief moment before opening them again, swallowing thickly. 

“Please...you have to believe me. I’m not crazy.” There was a beat of silence then, one that felt like the kind that came when you were awaiting bad news. The kind in hospital waiting rooms, the kind that filled the air and suffocated your lungs and made it almost impossible to breathe. 

Lindsey stared at him again, scanning his face carefully for a moment as Anna did the same, the two of their faces clouding with so many emotions at once. 

Finally, Lindsey began to nod, slow but reassuring. “No, you’re not…” she murmured, glancing back down at the phone in her palm again, frowning slightly to herself. 

Anna was still staring at James, her eyes locked on his as she kept silent, her arms crossed in front of her chest, caging herself in slightly. 

“What else did he say to you?” she asked quietly, tilting her head to the side slightly as James shifted anxiously in his spot again. 

“He just...he kept saying my name, and then he asked me if “they” had gotten to me too…” Anna’s frown deepened at that, Lindsey jerking her head up in surprise to stare at him again. 

“Who’s them?” she interrupted, and James shrugged helplessly, running his fingers through his hair. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know who’d be after him like this, who would take the time to arm a bank just to...what, kidnap him? It doesn’t make any s-“ He was suddenly cut off by the loud ringing of the cell phone, all 3 of them stiffening up at once. 

James snatched the phone from Lindsey’s hand before anyone had a chance to say anything, immediately flipping it open and holding it to his ear. “Aleks?!”

Anna quickly waved at him, miming to press the speaker button as James was met with the sound of more muffled static, like the phone was being moved around again. He quickly pulled it back and put it on speaker, turning the volume up as Lindsey frantically tipped through her backpack, pulling out her laptop. 

“James! Oh my God, you’re still alive…” James felt his heart begin to break all over again, shoulders sinking slightly as he breathed. 

“I’m okay, I’m okay. Aleks, can you tell me where you are? Who has you? I swear to God, if you’re hurt…” His tone darkened significantly, fighting the urge to clench his hand around the phone before he heard Aleks yell suddenly, more muffled chaos ensuing before silence rang out again, the phone being picked up by someone else. 

“What are you gonna do to me, huh James? I’m dying to know.” 

And if James hadn’t know what it felt like to feel all the air leave his body at once, he surely did now. 

He felt like he’d just been knocked out, his mind going blank and his body seeming to stop working entirely. He was vaguely aware of Lindsey and Anna in front of him, gesturing wildly to try and get his attention while staying as silent as possible. It didn’t matter; he couldn’t see them.

All he could focus on was the voice on the other end of the line, sickeningly sweet and degrading and dripping with venom all at once. 

“Jordan…” he breathed out slowly, listening as the man on the other end gasped in mock excitement. 

“Aww, you remembered my voice! It’s been too long; what, 3 or 4 years now? Time flies,” he commented lightly, and James felt like he was 2 seconds away from passing out right there on the shitty motel carpet. 

Anna was staring confusedly at him, her eyebrows furrowed as Lindsey typed furiously away on her laptop, trying her best to keep as silent as possible before the man on the other end of the line cleared his throat. 

“Ahem, I know you’re trying to track this call.” James felt his blood run cold, watching as Lindsey froze up suddenly, her hands hovering over the keyboard before Jordan continued. 

“You know, all you have to do is ask. No sense in going through all of that mess when I could just tell you where I’m at. Wouldn’t you like to know where Aleks is at, James?” There was a loud sort of crashing noise on the other end of the line, followed by what sounded like Aleks crying out in protest. 

“No no no stop, please!” The pure panic in his voice made James nauseous again, shaking his head quickly despite the fact that he knew the man couldn’t see him. 

“Jordan, stop! I don’t know what you’re doing with him, or what you want, but he’s got NO part in our history!” His voice was rising now, and Anna looked torn between telling him to calm down and staying mute, bouncing nervously on her feet before the door to the room was opened again, spilling foggy morning light into the room as Asher, Brett and Trevor all rushed in, looking half asleep and confused. 

“What the h-“ Lindsey and Anna both threw their hands up, gesturing wildly to get them to shut up, cutting them off abruptly. James kept staring down at the phone, refusing to make eye contact as the rest of the room fell silent and Jordan hummed thoughtfully at the other end of the line. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Speaking of history, how’s Trevor doing?” James felt his teeth clench suddenly, fighting the urge to snap the phone in half as he glanced up at Trevor, watching his face pale immediately with pure dread. He widened his eyes slightly, stiffening up as everyone else stared at him in confusion before turning back to James as he spoke. 

“You son of a bitch, you leave him out of this. He did nothing wrong,” James said venomously, listening as Jordan laughed on the other end, his voice slightly distorted with static. 

“Oh calm down, it was a joke. I don’t care how that brat is doing; he left me to go with you. He’s dead to me.” James fell silent again, seeing Trevor shift uneasily out of the corner of his eye as he stared back down at the phone. “No, YOU’RE the only one I care about. You’re the one that keeps me up at night, the one always on my mind...romantic, huh?” 

Lindsey had gone back to typing but had fled to the other side of the room, eager to get away so that her fingers wouldn’t be heard. James ran his free hand against the side of his thigh nervously, his fingers brushing against the slight bulge in his pocket from where Aleks’ locket still was. 

“What do you want, Jordan? If we’ve got a problem, that’s between me and you. There’s no need to drag other people into this.” Jordan scoffed loudly at that, and James could practically see him rolling his eyes from wherever he was at. 

“James, you’re so STUPID sometimes! You were always so stupid when you were with us, with me.” James fell silent at that, feeling his face drain of color even more as Jordan sighed dramatically into the speaker. 

“There’s ALL the reason to drag other people into this! I don’t think you seem to quite remember what happened between us, mmm?” James tilted his head up again to glance at Trevor, who was looking very much like he was about to throw up all over the floor. Brett and Asher were still as lost as ever, glancing between the two men but staying silent as Anna stood to James’ left, her arms crossed over her chest as she stared fixedly at him, a worried frown upon her lips. 

“Let me see if I recall...oh yeah, you betrayed ME and let Seamus die in the process. Sound familiar?” James swallowed thickly, his mouth suddenly feeling very tight and Trevor was leaning against the wall now as Jordan raised his voice. 

“You really thought you could just fuck everything up for me and then disappear? You’re stupider than I thought,” he continued dangerously, his staticky voice still managing to give James goosebumps. “This isn’t just about you and me anymore, James. You took Seamus away from me and destroyed my entire crew in the process, and for what? Because you didn’t like me anymore?” 

There was a sudden sharp smacking noise, and James heard Aleks cry out in pain once again followed by a loud crash, and James barely had time to open his mouth before Jordan was growling again. 

“I have been waiting for YEARS to do this to you, Wilson. You have no idea what I have prepared for your little boy toy here.” Aleks’ panicked breathing could still be heard over the line and James felt tears stinging at his eyes, his hand shaking as he held the phone closer to his mouth on instinct.

“Jordan please, I’ll do anything you want me to, for God’s sake. Just don’t hurt him, he didn’t do anything wrong!” He was pleading and he knew it but he didn’t care anymore. Just 24 hours ago he had watched the love of his life supposedly die and now here he was on the other end of a call, alive and breathing and hurting and James could think of nothing else but getting to him. Everything about this situation was his fault and he wasn’t going to rest until it was resolved. 

Jordan was laughing again, loud and long and slightly manic, humming happily after a moment. “Ah, I was hoping you’d say that,” he purred, taking a slight pause before continuing. “Here’s the thing; your little boyfriend isn’t really of much use to me. I was just using him to get your attention which, hey! It worked!” James clenched his teeth again, managing to keep his mouth shut before he continued. 

“I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said I’d give you my location. I’ll send the address right now, yeah?” James glanced up briefly, scanning his eyes across his team’s still confused faces before looking back down at the phone. “I want to get rid of him as much as you want him back, believe me. I just...I have one little thing I want you to do before I do that.”

James ran a hand across his face, feeling how shaky and clammy it had gotten as he rubbed at his weary eyes for a moment before dropping it again. 

“Whatever it is, I’ll do it,” he replied seriously, holding back an exasperated sigh. “Just tell me what it is, and consider it done.” He cringed slightly as Jordan snorted again, letting out another loud fit of laughter that made James feel uneasy and nauseous. 

“Oh no, I can’t do that,” Jordan finally replied, the hint of a grin still in his voice. “No no, that’s not any fun. Just come to the location I’ll give you, and you’ll do it then. I’m a sucker for suspense, always have been. You know that.” James felt his stomach churn at that, keeping silent once more. 

“I’ll send the address now. And if I were you, I’d get here fast. I’m not sure how much more your baby daddy can take.” The entire room seemed to freeze then, everyone suddenly stiffening up and forgetting how to breathe. James could feel his hand clenching tightly around the phone, his hands shaking in what seemed like a mixture of pure anger and panic. 

“You son of a bitch,” he spat, and Jordan merely hummed happily in response. 

“I’ll see you soon, Nova.” James heard another one of Aleks’ loud screams before it was cut off by the call suddenly ending, leaving the room in stunned silence. 

A few seconds passed before the room exploded into chaos once more. James slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, barely noticing Anna fly to his side, trying to speak to him but her voice was muddled. Brett and Asher were still as lost as ever, and James could see them whip their heads back and forth between him and Trevor, demanding answers but neither of them spoke.

James felt Lindsey’s hand suddenly make contact with his own, gently but quickly prying the cell phone from his hand. He opened his fingers slowly, letting her take the device from him as he stared numbly at the ground in front of him. 

He saw Trevor’s knees give out right before he fell to the ground, sliding against the wall so quickly and swiftly that it caught everyone’s attention. James jerked his head up just in time to see him hit the ground, pressing his shaky palms to the ground as he halfway caught himself. 

Before anyone could even open their mouths James had flung himself from the bed, immediately rushing over and kneeling at Trevor’s side, staring at him carefully. 

“Trevor…” he warned slowly, his voice as calm as he could make it be. “Listen to me, he’s not getting anywhere near you, okay? I’m not letting that happen. I promised when I got you out of there he was never going to touch you again, and I keep my promises.” Trevor’s face was buried in his knees, raised up to his face and his arms wrapped around his legs, breathing haphazardly into the fabric of his pants. 

The rest of the room had fallen silent; Lindsey’s typing had ceased. James reached over slowly, gently making contact with Trevor’s arm. The younger boy flinched a bit, tensing up as James tried his best to bury down the hot, bubbling anger that had suddenly overtaken him, hating how much of a fucking effect Jordan still had over Trevor, even after all these years. 

“He’s not going to ever hurt you again, I swear to God. I won’t let him do that to you.” James fell silent, watching anxiously as Trevor slowly lifted his head up, meeting his eyes, staring up at him through long, dark eyelashes. They stared at each other for a few seconds, Trevor’s face cloudy with emotions before he slowly began to nod his head, relaxing slightly as James sighed in relief, lifting his hand away before sitting down on the ground, his back hitting the side of the mattress as he did. 

James closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh before the silence in the room ended, and Brett’s voice rang out loud and clear. 

“Can someone, anyone, please just tell me what the fuck is going on? Who’s Jordan? Why was Aleks on the fucking phone? What the hell is he on about?” James opened his eyes again, keeping silent as he glanced across the floor to where Trevor was still sitting, his head resting against the wall behind him as he stared at James through hooded lids. James took a moment just to stare back at him, suddenly realizing how much he’d grown up in the last 3 years. He wasn’t the same kid he’d swept up and taken away from Jordan all that time ago. It look like he’d aged decades, almost; his face had thinned out, his eyes dark and weary, his face covered with a light dusting of facial hair, his hair longer and swept slightly to the side to keep out of his eyes. 

James felt his chest rise and fall slowly as he inhaled and let out a deep sigh, sitting up a bit before crossing his legs, his hands falling into his lap. 

“Before any of you, before Aleks, before anything...Joe and I were with another crew,” he began slowly, watching as everyone’s eyes fell upon his face, all but Trevor, who was now staring wistfully at the ground. “They’d taken us in a couple of years after I left home, I was with them for awhile.” He paused for a moment, frowning a bit before continuing. 

“Jordan was the leader. He called all the shots, organized every heist...made sure we were taken care of.” He nodded his head towards Trevor. “We picked him up a little over 3 years ago, found him alone on the streets and I just...I couldn’t leave him all alone.” Trevor didn’t move, ignoring the way everyone glanced over at him for a few seconds before turning back to James. 

“Well, a couple months after that...things started going downhill. We lost Jordan’s girlfriend in a heist, complete accident. She was...she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.” His stomach churned horribly, trying not to think about the same thing happening to his best friend not even 2 years prior. “Well, after she died...things started going to shit. Jordan went sort of crazy, started going against all of his own rules, tried to go through with some really dangerous jobs...he was heartbroken, and he started taking it out on all of us.” 

James saw Trevor flinch slightly in his peripheral, grimacing slightly before he tilted his head down on the ground. “He took it out on Trevor the most. I don’t know why, probably because he was the youngest…” He shook his head after a moment, clenching his fists idly in his lap. “As soon as he started beating on Trevor, I knew we had to go. I got a whole group of us together, including the two of us, Joe, and our two friends Seamus and Aron. We left in the middle of a heist, essentially leaving Jordan to fend for himself. We’d had it planned out for weeks, no one said a word. But, when the morning of the heist came, I woke up and found Aron dead in his bedroom, completely fucking massacred in his sleep. His head was bashed in, blood everywhere…”

His voice faltered slightly, and he was suddenly aware of the intense silence that had fallen throughout the room. He lifted his head a bit, letting his eyes briefly glance at everyone around him, at his team, at his friends, at his family. He sat up a bit, leaning against the back of the bed for support as he continued on.

“I don’t know what he did to get Aron to talk, but he found out everything and then killed him on the spot. I fled the room and rounded everyone up, telling them we were getting out now. We made it to the van before Jordan caught us. He started shooting and we all managed not to get hit. We got to the van and sped off, and then he started aiming for the tires.” He lifted his hands up suddenly, rubbing his eyes wearily as he sighed softly, kneading at them to temporarily blind his vision. 

“He ended up hitting one, and it blew and the car flipped. Seamus was in the front and died instantly, flew out of the windshield. I was driving and somehow got caught against the ceiling, keeping me protected. Joe and Trevor were in the back, and we heard Jordan running over and we instantly played dead. It didn’t take much to trick him...we were all bloodied up anyway. We just stayed there in silence, holding our breath with our eyes closed, and once he was satisfied we heard him leave, packing his car and speeding off. Just…left us there.” James heard Anna sigh at his side, burying her own face into her hands as he lifted his own off of his eyes. 

“We got out, amazingly with little injuries. We took Seamus with us, gave him a proper funeral and then bolted the hell out of there and never looked back. I had no idea he even knew we were still alive...we made sure to change appearances and stay under the radar. I haven’t heard his name mentioned once in all these years.” He finally took time to look at Trevor again, now that their entire history had been exposed out in the open for everyone to see.

He looked forlorn still, like a kicked puppy sitting on the side of a sidewalk. He was staring idly at his hands resting in his lap, his chest rising and falling slowly as he breathed. His hair had fallen into his eyes again, shielding himself only slightly from James’ careful gaze. He could almost see the young kid he’d rescued off of the streets all those years ago, scared and afraid and abandoned. 

He finally pushed himself up to stand, feeling everyone else’s eyes on him as he did. He let out another heavy sigh, resting his hands on his hips as he did, chewing on his lip.

“Look, this isn’t anyone else’s fight but mine. I’m going to go and you’re all going to stay here, away from Jordan and away from anything. I told myself I’d never risk putting anyone I loved in his path again, and I’ve already broken that promise to Aleks. I’m not going to let it happen to any of you.” James could see confusion cloud everyone’s faces then, and Trevor shot his head up suddenly, meeting his gaze with scrutinizing eyes. 

“I’m sorry, but are you high?” James blinked at Trevor’s sudden outburst, watching the taller boy stand up from his spot on the floor. “You want to go in there alone and take on the man that murdered his own teammates without blinking an eye? You’re not going by yourself.” James stared at him, furrowing his brow slightly as Trevor merely stared back at him cooly, listening as everyone else around them began murmuring in agreement. 

“He’s right, James. Besides, I have the phone and the location. How’re you supposed to get there without them?” He turned his head at the sound of Lindsey’s voice from behind him, watching as she waved the device in her hand a few feet away. “Matched it with what I tracked on my laptop. He’s not lying...that’s where he is.” 

James stepped forward quickly, leaning over the desk where she’d set up everything and looked down at the computer screen, feeling his breath catch in his throat as he did. 

“The son of a bitch is in Los Santos…” he breathed slowly, gritting his teeth. Lindsey glanced at him a bit wearily but decided not to comment on it, holding out the phone to him before she replied. 

“It’s about a full day’s drive from here. The sooner we leave, the sooner we get there.” James sighed in annoyance, taking the phone from her hand before shaking his head and turning again. 

“I’m leaving by myself, okay? There’s no need to drag any of you into this mess that’s not yours to clean. I’ll be back in a few d-”

“But what if you’re not?!” The loud sound of Anna’s usually quiet voice shocked everyone, and James stopped mid sentence as they all turned to look at her. She’d refrained from keeping her arms crossed and was now staring at James dead on, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised. “What if you don’t come back, James? What if something happens to you and we’re not there to help?”

She gave him an expectant look then, as if daring him to say something back and James breathed slowly, letting his chest rise and fall once before replying.

“Then you move on. You all move on, that’s what’s supposed to happen. People die, or get taken from you, and you just move on with your life. That’s what they’d want you to do.” His voice had taken on a sour tone but he wasn’t yelling, wasn’t angry. He felt like the advice he was giving would be better if he actually listened to it himself.

Anna shook her head quickly, taking a step forward. “You don’t get it. There is no point to this, to any of us-” She gestured around the room wildly for a moment. “-if you don’t let us help you. That’s what we’re here for, right? That’s the sole purpose of a group. When one person is in trouble, the rest help get them out!” James watched silently as she closed up the space in between them, tilting her head up because of the height difference but having the same effect as a 6 and half foot tall man as she got into his face. 

“You do so much for us, James. You do so much and you don’t let anyone help you. And I’m sorry, but I’m not listening to you. Not right now. Not when I know that I could never live with myself if I let you go there alone. So, you can get mad at me if you want, I don’t really care. But when we leave, we’re all leaving together, because that’s just what families do.” 

James took a moment to process her speech, watching as she stared haughtily at him, her jaw set defiantly as she finished speaking. He blinked slowly, lifting his eyes to glance uneasily at everyone else, taking in their expectant faces and crossed arms. 

It probably wasn’t the most appropriate time, but in that moment, James was really, really proud of his crew. 

He finally began nodding, hearing a sigh of relief echo amongst the motel room. “You all can come, but don’t even think about pulling any funny shit. What I say goes, and that’s not me being a dick. I just...I know what goes on in this man’s head. Whatever I tell you to do, you do that and only that.” There was a chorus of agreement all around him and he sighed a bit, his shoulders slumping slightly. 

“We leave in 30. Get your things and get to the van.” There was a flurry of motion then, James watching all the boys leave before he slowly followed suit, making his way back to his own room. 

He got his things together, taking his time and thinking of how he was doing this exact same thing not even 48 hours ago, with Aleks at his side, and now Aleks was on the other side of the fucking country, probably half dead and scared and missing James. He sat down on the edge of his unmade bed, pressing his hands to his thighs as he tried to distract himself from the numbness that was starting to appear at his fingertips.

‘Not now,’ James thought silently to himself, closing his eyes. ‘You can’t panic now. You need to get Aleks. He’s all that matters.’

Slowly, he moved his left hand down his pant leg, feeling himself make contact with the locket in his pocket. He slipped it out, holding it delicately between his fingertips, opening his eyes to glance at it. He ran his thumb over the cool, gold metal, staring at it for a few seconds before he moved his other hand up. He slowly opened the clasp on the chain, pulling it up to his neck and tilting his head down slightly, his hands moving his dark curls upward before he gently closed the clasp, dropping his hands and letting the necklace fall against his chest gently.

They left exactly half an hour later. They drove for hours until they ended up having to stop for gas, and James insisted that he drive the other half and let Asher sleep. His nerves were getting worse and worse as time passed, and the thought of having to sit in the back with his legs bouncing for another 12 hours was enough to get him to jump in the front. 

He found himself driving in the middle of the night, the radio playing God knows what faintly in the background. Trevor was in the passenger seat beside him, curled up slightly to the left and staring out the window, silent. Asher and Brett were fast asleep in the backseat, Brett with his arm propped up against the edge of his seat and his head in his palm and Asher with his head on his shoulder, leaned against his side as they both quietly snored. 

Lindsey and Anna had been out for hours; Anna had managed to halfway lay down with her head in Lindsey’s lap as Lindsey rested against the back of her seat, her hands still tangled gently in Anna’s long hair from playing with it before she fell asleep. 

James shifted slightly in his seat, managing to stretch his long legs for a brief moment before relaxing again, his hands clenching and unclenching around the steering wheel as he did. Trevor seemed to see the movement from the corner of his eye, and James saw him lift his head slightly, as if breaking from some sort of reverie before moving his hands to rest against his torso, folding them gently. 

“You tired? Want me to drive?” James smiled a bit and shook his head, turning to look at the younger boy. 

“I’m alright. The closer we get there, the less tired I feel.” Trevor nodded slowly as if that made perfect sense to him, humming softly in response before turning his head back to the windshield. The road was pretty much empty, long stretches of desert laid out for them as far as the eye could see in the night’s dark lighting. 

James listened to the sound of their engine humming, running his thumb up and down the side of the worn down steering wheel cover as a couple more minutes passed. He was about to assume Trevor had decided to fall asleep before he heard him start to speak.

“I don’t think I ever thanked you,” he said quietly, and James turned and glanced at him in confusion for a moment before turning back to the road.

“For what?” he asked slowly, feeling Trevor’s gaze rest upon his profile.

“For everything. For taking me in all those years ago, for getting me out of there when things got bad, for keeping me around this long.” James fell silent, frowning a bit at the way he sounded but keeping quiet nevertheless.

“I didn't know what that felt like growing up. I was always the least of everyone’s concerns, you know? All that mattered to my parents were drugs. They finally realized they didn’t actually need to take care of me and left me alone to fend for myself, which I did for a little while, but...there’s only so much you can do when you’re 16 and living on the streets.” James felt his chest tighten at his words, swallowing down a weary sigh. 

“I just...I don’t know. I’m just really fucking thankful you found me on accident and took me even, even though Jordan was against it. I’d never had anyone stick up for me like that before...I didn’t know it was possible. And then you just kept doing it, all those times he was beating on me and making me do things in heists that I didn’t want to do…” He shook his head slowly, tilting his head down to stare at his lap. “Just...thank you. For everything.”

James listened as silence filled the air again, the only sound coming from a shitty pop song on the radio. Trevor played with his hands idly, picking at his fingernails as James wracked his suddenly very overwhelmed brain with something to say in response. 

“Trevor…” he began slowly, and then he shut his mouth again, chewing on his lip as he struggled to piece his words together. 

“There’s a reason I’ve kept you around for so long, a reason I’ve kept everyone around. I just...I see so much potential, in all of you, and not the potential to be criminals. You all have the potential to make something out of yourselves.” He managed to turn his head and meet Trevor’s eyes for a moment, who was now staring at him with a slightly confused demeanor. 

“I mean it. Every single one of you has potential for greatness, to get yourselves out of his business someday and just..live. There’s a reason I make all of you wear masks and I don’t.” He turned his gaze back to the road. “As soon as I spoke to you, I knew you were smart. You learn so quickly, you’ve got such a fast mind, it’s amazing. And I didn’t want you out there suffering with all of your talent, and so I did the best thing I could at the time and gave you a job. A highly illegal, dangerous one, but a job nonetheless.” He heard Trevor laugh softly at that and he smiled softly at the open road. 

“And when things got bad, I got us out. That was just the right thing to do. It was by my doing that all of you were in there, so it made sense for me to get you out. And I knew we didn’t have anyone or anything to our names, so I just...I did what I could to start a business for us. It’s not the best, and we’ve gone through some bad times, but we still have each other, and that’s all that matters in the end. This would never work between all of us if we didn’t all care so much. That’s why I’m weary of who I bring in, I don’t want it to mess anything up. And that’s why I’m going to get Aleks, because he just...he deserves better. Not any of this mess.”

He finally finished his spiel, making an effort to stare directly out of the windshield and avoiding Trevor’s heavy gaze on his face as he ignored him. A beat passed before Trevor spoke again.

“Because you’re in love with him.” 

James felt his body deflate slightly, his rigid back slumping forward a bit as he let out a long sigh, unclenching his hands from around the steering wheel. Trevor remained silent, still staring at him before James turned his head again, gazing at him wistfully. 

“I’m so in love with him that it hurts,” he said simply. Trevor’s face softened slightly, keeping silent as James turned his head away. 

“I’ve been in love with him since the day I met him, and probably even before that. I had no idea what it felt like to feel so strongly for someone, and it scared the shit out of me. I just...I led him on, and then as soon as we got close I’d distance myself again. I absolutely hate myself for doing that to him, for so long.” He reached his hand up, scratching absentmindedly at his chin for a moment. 

“And then when I got pregnant, that scared me even more and I just...I panicked. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I pushed him so far and he should’ve just left. I thank God every day that he didn’t but...I deserved for him to. He should’ve walked out and never looked back.” He shook his head slowly. “But she was his baby...he wasn’t going anywhere without making sure she was okay first.” 

It felt strange, saying all of this out loud. To anyone else it might’ve been a bit awkward, but with Trevor it just felt so simple. The younger boy was so wise for his age, and James blamed it on the way he’d been forced to grow up so fast. He’d seen so many things before the age of 16 that James hadn’t even fathomed about when he was a kid. He never judged, or gave you weird looks, or pestered you with questions. He just...understood. 

James raised a tattooed arm, running his fingers through his curls quickly before he cleared his throat. “Sorry…” he murmured. “When I’m nervous I ramble, and every time I think about him now I get scared.” He was sick just thinking about what could potentially be waiting for him Los Santos, of all the fucking places in the world. 

Trevor shook his head, turning his body slightly to face him. “No, I get it. Sometimes you just have to...get it all out.” James kept quiet, glancing at one of the passing signs that told him he was passing through yet another town. 

“He’s gonna be okay, James. Jordan knows that hurting him too much would end badly. You know how he is, he wants to rile you up.” James hummed a bit, staring absentmindedly out at the road in front of him as he kept driving. “He’ll probably be a little battered up, but, still...okay.” James let out a long sigh at that, slumping against the back of his seat as he did before resting his left elbow on the edge of his door, tapping his fingers against the plastic. 

“I know…” he murmured quietly. “I have all the faith in the world in all of you. It’s just...it’s Aleks, you know? And...and Jordan.” He hated the way Jordan’s name tasted in his mouth, acidic and metallic like blood after you’ve been punched. He hated the fact that he’d been watching him from afar for months, years maybe, hated the way he knew his weak points and vulnerabilities.

And he hated the way that he had to drag his family into this. 

Trevor pulled his long legs up as much as he could, moving his body so that he was halfway leaning against his armrest and laid his head on the back of his seat, looking out the window to his right, crossing his arms and resting them against his chest. 

“Yeah, I know,” he agreed solemnly, swaying slightly as James took an exit off the highway and silence fell once more. 

Los Santos was a perfectly painted picture of what James’ version of hell looked like. When they finally arrived within the city limits in the fading evening light a few hours later, it felt like he’d travelled back in time to his childhood. Nothing had really changed, and if it had it’d just gotten worse. 

The dirty streets were still filled with homeless people, and James felt his heart ache painfully at how many kids there were now. He could hear everyone in the back, staying quiet as he maneuvered their van through the streets James still knew like the back of his hand. It was hard to tell which crumbling buildings were drug caves and which actually contained people living inside of them, and he felt his anxiety rising with every block they passed through. 

The familiar noise of gunshots and sirens surrounded them like a disease, and James finally caught sight of the warehouse they were supposed to meet Jordan at in his line of vision a few blocks away before he pulled over and parked. There was a group of grimy children that eyed the van suspiciously for a moment before bolting off, and James slowly turned the ignition off, taking the keys out carefully before he sighed a bit, turning his body around to face everyone. 

“Alright, listen. This place is no joke; if you look at someone the wrong way, you’re getting shot, so lay low like I told you. Lindsey’s got a tracker in my phone to see where I’m at. You watch from down the street, and if Jordan and I leave but Aleks doesn’t, you stay right here and make sure he gets out. Do NOT wait for me. Understood?” 

There was a pained silence then, and James watched as everyone threw each other uneasy glances for a split second before nodding and humming in response. James felt his heart pounding in his chest now, beating unevenly and rapidly against his ribcage as he slowly took in everyone’s faces. 

He didn’t know what Jordan had in store for him; hell, he didn’t even know if Aleks was there, but he knew Jordan was, and that was enough for him to quickly strap on his vest and slip his pistol in his pocket, brushing a stray curl that had fallen loose from his bun behind his ear before he scratched at his chin. 

“Be safe, be smart,” he said simply, and he didn’t even wait for a response before he was climbing out of the door, slamming it shut behind him and taking off down the street, resisting the urge to look back at the broken family he’d created. 

He kept an emotionless face as he walked, ignoring everyone who called for his attention or followed him with hungry eyes. The warehouse was getting closer now, and he could see that it was on its last legs; crumbling walls, graffiti sprayed in various fashions across the front, gunshots decorating the halfway hanging metal garage door. The sun was warm on the back of his neck, and he took his time walking up the cement driveway, his boots falling heavily as he slowed his pace, stopping entirely in front of the door. All he could see through the opening was dim, fluorescent lighting, and an empty, large concrete floor. 

He moved his hand to his right side, carefully wrapping his fingers around the handle of his pistol, his palms sweating slightly and his blood still pounding in his ears. James took a deep breath, feeling the weight of Aleks’ locket against his chest before he burst inside, holding the gun up quickly as his eyes adjusted to the new lighting. 

It was empty. James heard his boots echo loudly throughout the vast room as he darted around, swinging his body back and forth as his eyes searched rapidly amongst the dark shadows and corners around him, not sure if he was pleased or disheartened at the fact that no one was here. 

He backed up slightly towards the door, feeling his fingers begin to loosen themselves slightly from around the trigger before he stopped abruptly, feeling the cool metal touch of a gun muzzle suddenly pressed up against the back of his head. 

“Same old stupid Nova.” James felt his blood run cold, his entire body freezing up at the sound of Jordan’s voice right behind him, sending goosebumps down his neck as he leaned in slightly. “Didn’t I always tell you to check behind you?” 

James steadied his slightly trembling hands against his leg, still clutching tightly onto his pistol as Jordan pressed the gun deeper into his head, rubbing it slightly against his curls. 

“Drop the gun, please.” His voice was polite and sickeningly sweet and James couldn’t help but be filled with a blind rage.

“Fuck you,” he spat, and Jordan groaned loudly in annoyance, lazily cocking the gun in James’ ear. 

“Oh for God’s sake, enough with the dramatics. I don’t want to blow your fucking brains out without at least giving you the chance to save your darling boy Aleks.” The mere mention of his name was enough to send a wave of nausea over him, and he wondered frantically if he was hidden somewhere in here, listening or even seeing everything happen. 

Jordan had him pinned, and he knew it. 

James flickered his eyes downward, watching his own hands as he dropped the pistol limply from his grip, listening as the loud noise echoed off of the brick walls. 

“Good…” Jordan purred, and James immediately clenched his hands into fists as his sides, wanting nothing more than to flee across the room and escape that wicked voice. “Now kick it.” 

James followed his orders, his boot hitting the gun and skidding it across the concrete floor, coming to a stop in a dark shadow in one of the corners. He kept his mouth shut, biting harshly onto the inside of his lip as Jordan hummed happily, finally lifting the cold metal off of his head. 

“Wow, you really do care about this one, don’t you?” James clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to snap back at him before he watched Jordan enter his peripheral, following his every move as he rounded James’ left and stepped over to stand in front of him. 

He looked almost the exact same, albeit a bit more tired and worn out. He still had the same light colored hair, the same beard and same bright blue eyes and shit eating grin that had driven James insane so many times before. He had on normal clothes; a dark pair of jeans and a purple hoodie, of all things. His hair was slightly longer now, curling below his ears and resting upon his forehead, swept slightly across his smooth, pale skin. 

Jordan tilted his head slightly to the side, still smiling at James before he spoke again. “You look good, Nova,” he commented, reaching out with his right hand that still contained the gun, poking lightly at his stomach with the muzzle. “Still got some baby weight to lose, but…” He clucked his tongue once, shrugging his shoulders. “Those last few pounds are always the hardest. I’m sure you’ll get there.” 

James wanted nothing more than to reach out and strangle the shorter man in front of him, to shove that gun in his mouth and sent a bullet straight through the back of his skull. Jordan’s eyes lingered on James’ own for a moment more, as if waiting for a reaction but it never came and he turned on his feet, striding across the room to kneel down and pick up James’ pistol, examining it lazily.

“So talkative…” he muttered, turning again before glancing up at James through his light eyelashes from across the room, holding both weapons in his hands now. James rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly.

“Cut the shit, Jordan,” he mouthed back, which was surprisingly daring of him considering the fact that he next to nothing to defend himself with while Kootra had two fully loaded weapons. Jordan raised an eyebrow in surprise, another grin taking over his face as he stepped forward.

“Ah, that’s the James I remember,” he cooed, taking a step forward but keeping his arms down. “You had such a mouth on you back then, always getting yourself into trouble.” He stopped in front of him, staring at him thoughtfully for a moment as he pursed his lips slightly and James suddenly felt very vulnerable then, swallowing a bit as his blue eyes scanned his face carefully. 

“Just like old times,” he reminisced lightly, letting his eyes linger on James’ mouth for a moment more before he pocketed both guns, turning around again and beginning to pace around the room, not seeming to pay much attention to his steps as he wandered around like an aimless toddler. 

“Here’s the thing, James...you single handedly ruined my business.” His attempt at nonchalance was thwarted by the hint of ice in his voice, and James felt himself tense slightly as he kept speaking. 

“The day you decided to abandon me was the day everything went to shit. I lost it all because of you, and I’ve had to work my way back up ever since then.” He paused, stopping in front of a door that James hadn’t noticed earlier, half hidden behind a shadow in the back of the room. 

“But...I have to thank you.” James frowned at that, almost opening his mouth to speak before Jordan reached over and opened the door beside him, shoving his hand into the dark room before yanking out a stumbling, pale faced Aleks, his hands tied behind his back and his eyes squinting to the change of lighting. “You made it so fucking easy to find your weak spot.”

James watched in silent horror as Aleks blinked furiously, his left eye bruised and swollen purple. His nose was crusted with dried blood that lingered on his top lip, and James could see the faded trails of it on his neck that led down to the collar of his shirt. His clothes were filthy, the same ones that James had watched him change into just 3 days ago, and his dark brown hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat. 

“Aleks…” he breathed slowly, feeling his breath catch in his throat as Aleks finally saw him, his eyes widening in shock.

“James!” His voice sounded like glass breaking on a hardwood floor but it was also the best thing he’d ever heard in the world because he was alive. He’d spent the last 2 days thinking he’d been buried beneath a pile of rubble, destroyed and dismantled and very much dead, but he was here, standing in front of James with his dark eyes filled with panic, his tattooed arms pulled behind his back as he swallowed thickly. 

James immediately lurched forward, eager to run over and touch him, to feel his warm skin and soft hair and his heartbeat beneath his pale skin to convince himself this wasn’t some sort of nightmare, and was immediately stopped by the sight of a gun pressed to Aleks’ temple. 

“What, you think you’re just gonna be able to touch him for free?” Jordan’s voice sounded offended, clucking his tongue a couple times as he cocked the pistol in his hand, the noise sending a visible shiver down Aleks’ spine as he did. “You haven’t completed your task yet.”

James froze in place, already halfway across the room and he blinked slowly at Jordan, trying his best to hide the panic in his face and voice. 

“I will, I never said I wouldn’t,” he began carefully, his eyes darting towards the gun and then back to Jordan’s face. He’d seen the man become trigger happy too many times to count, and the fact that a loaded gun was pressed to Aleks’ temple was making James’ stomach do somersaults. 

“I just wanted to see him, just for a few seconds. You’re right here, you’d see if I tried to pull any tricks.” Jordan’s face remained unamused, refusing to budge his gaze from James’ eyes. James slid his bottom lip against his teeth anxiously, biting on the skin for a moment before he held up his hands. 

“Please, Jordan. Just for a minute.” His heart pounded loudly within his ears as he watched the man seem to contemplate this, pursing his lips slightly as he did. He cocked his head to the side a bit, still surveying James almost animalistically, before he slowly lowered the gun, pulling it away from Aleks’ temple. He looked almost displeased with himself, taking a step back before lazily gesturing to his side at the tied up man before James was running again, closing up the space between them. 

“James, oh my God…” Aleks’ voice was immediately choked up, staring at him pitifully as James immediately wrapped him up in his arms, holding him close to his chest and sighing painfully, squeezing his eyes shut.

“You’re alive, you’re alive…” His voice was muffled in Aleks’ dirty hair, repeating the words a few times as he kept him close. Aleks just leaned into him, unable to move his tied up hands as he sniffled into James’ neck, his breath rapid and heavy against his skin. 

“I was so scared he was gonna get to you, James…” He opened his mouth to respond but Jordan cut him off with a harsh laugh, and James looked up slightly to see him roll his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest, still holding the gun. 

“James and I go way back, sweetheart. I don’t have to “get to him”, he just comes to me,” he drawled darkly, and James quickly turned his head back to Aleks, pulling away slightly before he moved his arms up to take his face in his hands. 

“Baby, I’m okay, don’t worry. I’m going to get you out, okay? You won’t be with him much longer, I promise.” Aleks’ face looked even worse up close, his skin stained dark with blood and his eye even more purple than James had realized. He swallowed slightly, watching as Aleks frowned up at him. 

“Don’t you go killing yourself for me, do you hear me?” he retorted sharply, his voice suddenly void of all the anxiety that had just been present. “If it comes down to your life or mine, it’s no competition. You can live without me, James. You did for so long. Don’t you dare give that to him.” 

James stared at him painfully, his brow furrowed as he took in his stony face, his jaw set defiantly as if he dared James to speak against him. He could feel Jordan’s face on him again, his eyes trying their hardest to burn holes into the side of his skull before he nodded once, slowly and painfully. 

“Promise me.” James held in a deep sigh, listening to Aleks’ voice yet again. He closed his eyes for a moment, still holding his boyfriend’s face in his hands. Aleks kept silent, and when James opened his eyes again he was still staring expectantly at him, his eyes widened slightly with the fear that came as he anxiously awaited his answer. 

James stared at him for a few more moments, locked in what seemed like a staring contest before he opened his mouth again. 

“I promise.” He saw the relief flood across Aleks’ face only for a brief second before he was leaning forward, pressing his lips gently to his forehead, sliding his hands gently down his neck and to his shoulders to hold him there. 

He felt the tension in his arms seem to melt away slightly as he breathed slowly in relief, leaning into James’ touch before Jordan started gagging dramatically beside him, waving his arms.

“Alright, enough. You had well over a minute, time’s up.” James felt Aleks being suddenly yanked out of his grip, listening as he gasped in shock from the movement. He stared with panicked eyes as Jordan started dragging him back to the room, the gun pressed back against its usual spot as his temple. 

Aleks stumbled slightly, tripping over his own feet as he struggled to walk backwards, managing to meet James’ eyes one last time before Jordan pushed him back in, slamming the door shut and tilting the gun down, abruptly shooting the lock off before humming contentedly. 

“He’ll have trouble getting out now…” he murmured to no one in particular, and James’ heart was thumping so painfully in his chest it made him nauseous now. He watched as Jordan examined his gun for a moment before turning smoothly on the ball of his foot, looking up and meeting James’ face with a sly grin. 

“Ready to win him back?” he asked dangerously, his voice softer but still dark. 

James stared at the door, taking a moment and finally letting the entire situation sink in for the first time. 

Aleks was alive. 

Aleks was being held hostage...by Jordan.

Aleks was only going to be let go if he followed Jordan to wherever it was he was taking him, and did whatever it was he asked him to.

Jordan was everything his nightmares were made of, and then some. 

And James? James felt like he’d already lost this war. 

He tilted his head back up, finally meeting Jordan’s eyes from the side, keeping his face void of emotions. 

“Lead the way,” he said simply, and he ignored the smile that Jordan gave him in return, the same one they’d shared during so many heists before, the one that used to make James feel calm, and safe, and cared for, all those years ago. 

And now the same man was leading him to what felt like his deathbed, the gun pressed into the small of his back as they made their way out the back door and to a shiny black Mustang. 

“Like it?” Jordan gloated obnoxiously and James rolled his eyes in response. 

“Yeah, definitely the perfect car for keeping a low profile,” he retorted sourly, and Jordan merely grinned at that, wrinkling his nose slightly as he did. 

“God, I miss your smart mouth. I wish you’d just ditch that other sorry excuse of a group you’ve got and come back to me.” James bit his tongue, keeping silent as Jordan motioned for him to get into the passenger side, before crossing over and getting into the driver’s. James watched as Jordan nonchalantly tossed the gun into the backseat before starting the car, pulling forward and speeding off before James even had the chance to buckle himself in. 

He lurched forward as Jordan sped down the street, making a beeline for the highway entrance as he kept his mouth shut, looking down before finding his seatbelt and strapping it on. 

“Isn’t the first rule you taught me to never let your guard down?” he asked loudly, trying to keep his voice over the roar of the engine as Jordan easily maneuvered his way past the cars that were clogging up the entry ramp, weaving in and out of their ways like it was child’s play before he smirked, shaking his head a bit. 

“You’re not gonna do anything to me,” he replied shortly, turning his head for a moment to meet his eyes with a grin before looking back at the road. “You’d never risk Aleks getting hurt like that.” James bit back another remark before leaning back slightly against his seat, staring pointedly at the road ahead of them.

He was right, of course. He was always fucking right. 

They were out of Los Santos within minutes; James tried to keep his face as expressionless as possible as they sped past exit after exit, all different towns that James had grown up knowing but had never actually been to. They spent another half our in the car together before Jordan finally switched lanes, taking an off ramp to a town that sent his pulse quickening. 

“Somerville?” he breathed slowly, breaking the silence that had fallen over them. Somerville was, without a doubt, one of the richest cities in the state. James had created this sort of image of it when he was younger, like a kingdom he longed to escape to, one where he and his mother would be safe, one where he wouldn’t have to worry about what his next meal was going to be or if his mother was going to be able to make rent for the month. 

Jordan hummed happily, making the exit and turning down a street. “It’s a great place. So many dumb, rich people just begging to have their shit stolen from them.” James closed his mouth again, watching out the window silently as the elaborate, windowed buildings and shiny cars passed his vision in a blur. 

They kept driving down the main road for a good 20 minutes, and James watched as various banks and expensive stores passed them up, all viable places to rob. He’d been refraining from thinking about what exactly Jordan was going to make him do but he couldn’t help it now, frowning slightly to himself as the city began to fade out in the dim moonlight from above, his chest tightening with the fear of the unknown. 

They finally reached what James soon realized was a gated community, complete with large metal gates and a security guard that checked everyone as they went in. He waited in silent disgust as Jordan easily charmed his way in, making up some bullshit excuse about how he’d left his gate key back at home before the guard was letting them through, the engine of his car purring quietly as he drove past, making his way down the road. 

“Alright, what’s the deal? What am I supposed to be doing, exactly?” James was visibly agitated now, unable to keep it out of his voice as he turned his body slightly, staring at Jordan as he drove. “Am I robbing some family for you? Getting a job done? Doing a favor?” Jordan rolled his eyes, throwing his head back in annoyance and groaning. 

“Relax, you baby. We’re almost there, now shut up.” James sighed slowly, tearing his gaze away before he leaned uncomfortably back into his seat, turning his head to look out the window again. 

The houses here were huge, easily 3 times bigger than anything James had ever stayed in. They each had huge pieces of property that went with them, with long, winding driveways leading up to their garage that looked like white snakes in the dark. The spaces between them were far enough to give privacy, but still close enough to keep an eye on each other if need be. 

James felt his palms grow more and more damp against his pant legs as they kept driving, every mansion they passed up feeling like a punch in the gut. The uneasy feeling was just growing now, and by the time Jordan slowly pulled up to a stop in front of one near the end of the main street, he felt like he was going to vomit all over himself. 

“3318 East Rose Street,” Jordan announced gleefully, putting the car into park before leaning against his own seat, crossing his arms and looking happily at the huge house in front of them. “Pretty, isn’t it?” 

Pretty was an understatement. The house was huge and immaculate, with dark red bricks and a black wrought iron gate that sealed their driveway off from the road. The yard was perfectly green and pristine, with delicate plants and scrubs scattered methodically amongst the yard. There was a huge chandelier hanging in the window above the grand front entrance, white and double doored and pristine. There were tall white columns across the front porch, giving the place that royal effect and James let his eyes wander for a moment, taking in the way all of the windows were dark, and that the only source of light was coming from the front porch, from the lightbulb next to the front door. 

James shifted a bit in his seat, trying not to show how distraught he was from this entire situation. Jordan seemed oblivious, turning around and reaching into the backseat behind him, retrieving the pistol and pulling it into his lap. James watched in silence as he unloaded it, checking the magazine for bullets and making sure it was full before he loaded it again, closing it with a loud snap against the palm of his hand and turning to James, holding it out. 

“You’ll be needing this,” he assured, and James frowned at that, watching as Jordan dangled the weapon in front of him for a moment before tossing it lazily into his lap when he didn’t take it from him. 

“Who are these people, Jordan? Did they bust you on a mission, or something? Call the cops on you?” He struggled to keep the annoyance out of his voice but really, this was something else. “You’re really gonna ask me to go in there and kill these people that I don’t even know because they did you wrong?”

Jordan failed to reply; instead, he was busy gazing up at the house again, his blue eyes suddenly very soft and serene. He ignored James completely, folding his arms and resting them on his stomach as he watched the place thoughtfully, finally speaking after a few moments. 

“It doesn’t matter what they’ve done, or what they haven’t done,” Jordan began slowly, still blinking up at the manor. “Why should you care? It just makes them harder to kill.” He turned his head then, gazing back at James with such piercing eyes that it felt like he was being x-rayed. “The bedroom at the top of the stairs, to the left, that’s where they are. Fast asleep, I’m sure. Two bullets in each of their skulls should be more than enough to do the job.” 

James felt nauseous again, breaking eye contact to glance down at the gun in his lap. This didn’t make any sense, and he couldn’t understand why Jordan was asking him to kill this couple in cold blood without giving any sort of reason. 

“Are you really not going to tell me who they are?” James asked quietly, looking up and giving him a pained stare. Jordan tilted his head to the side slightly, raising an eyebrow. 

“Are you really going to ask questions when Aleks is still in Los Santos, tied up and waiting for his beloved to return to him?” His voice was icy and cold and shut James up almost immediately, watching him silently as James reached down and picked up the gun, slipping it into his pocket without another word. 

“That’s what I thought,” he muttered, reaching behind him yet again and this time digging through a backpack James hadn’t noticed sitting half open on the floor, producing a couple ear pieces from within. “Just in case you try to pull some funny shit on me, I’ll know. I’ve gotta keep my back covered...you understand, right?” James nodded once, watching as Jordan placed one in his palm, the two of them putting them on silently before Jordan smiled, speaking into his mic. 

“It’ll be over in a heartbeat. You don’t have to worry; all of the security cameras and systems are off. Just stroll right in and get the job done.” The childish lilt in his voice quickly sent James’ blood boiling, and he found himself turning sharply and opening the door, climbing out and all but slamming it shut before he crossed the road, reaching forward and pushing open the giant gate with a slight creak, the pin pad for the code disabled and no longer glowing. 

He made his way in and began the trek up the long driveway, the cool air ruffling the curls hanging near his face slightly. His gun felt immensely heavier in his pocket now, his boots loud against the elaborate stonework as he walked. He finally reached the front door, surveying it for a moment before reaching for the knob, twisting it slowly so as to not make any noise. 

“Oh, by the way James…” Jordan’s staticky voice in his ear scared him slightly, his hand clenching around the doorknob quickly before he began to speak again. 

“Try not to look at the surroundings, yeah? And stay out of the other rooms...the bedroom is the only one that matters.” James could hear the grin in his voice, frowning to himself as his ear was filled with silence once more. He glanced down at his hand, still clamped onto the knob before he twisted it again, successfully opening and pushing the right door open with his hand. 

The inside was even prettier than the front, if that was possible. The entryway was entirely made of marble, shiny and white and clean. There was a huge staircase in front of him and slightly to the right, spiraling slightly as it led upstairs to the second floor. He surveyed it briefly with his big brown eyes before turning his gaze elsewhere, slowly pushing the door shut behind him. 

To his left was a huge dining room, complete with the grand table and fine china sitting in elaborate wooden hutches. He could faintly see where the kitchen began through the doorway, catching a glimpse of a shiny silver refrigerator before he turned his head. To his right was what seemed to be an office, the walls lined with large bookcases filled with large, thick volumes of God knows what, the print tiny along each spine. There was a huge desk and a comfy, slightly worn office chair, one that seemed to be lived in quite a lot. Whoever had been there earlier had left a mess of papers there, littered across the desktop like trash. 

He took a step forward, his boots echoing amongst the vast space as he did. He winced slightly, carefully lifting his foot again and watching his movements as he began to make his way to the staircase. The walls were lined with photographs, and James frowned painfully, trying his best to avoid them with his eyes in the dim lighting. 

The couple, who James could only assume the people he was going upstairs to brutally murder, were as innocent looking as they come. They weren’t young, but they definitely weren’t old either. The wife had calm eyes, dark and pretty and a fair complexion complete with long, blonde hair that fell past her shoulders like a doll. She was shorter, with a nice physique and a pretty grin and James found himself slowing his pace up the stairs, his eyes suddenly wanting nothing more than to look at the pictures.

The man was handsome as well, with dark hair and blue eyes and a charming, serene sort of smile. He was taller than his wife but not by much, with a sturdy build and body. The pictures they had together weren’t cheesy or too posed; they just looked happy, like they’d been together for years and years. James’ eyes followed the trail of pictures up the stairs, taking his time as he walked to look at their faces in each one, finding it harder and harder to lift his feet up. 

When he reached the top, he glanced up and could see down the end of the hallway, to the bedroom on the left that Jordan had told him to go into. He held back a sigh, trying not to think about what he was about to do and focused on Aleks instead, who he hoped to God was at least freed from that dark room. Brett would have easily been able to break down the door by now. 

The large, framed pictures of the couple had ended, and now there was a smaller one at the top of the staircase, all by itself and looking slightly out of place against the cream colored wall. The frame was white and simple looking, and the photo in question sat delicately in the middle of it, hard to see. James leaned forward slightly, feeling his heart suddenly drop to somewhere at his feet as he realized he was looking at a pair of tiny, slightly wrinkled baby feet. 

Oh God, they had a kid. 

James swallowed back the bile that had suddenly risen up his throat and into his mouth, turning his head away quickly as Jordan’s voice rang through his ear again. 

“What did I say about looking at stuff?” he snapped at him, clearly agitated. James furrowed his brow, looking down at the hardwood floor beneath him as Jordan sighed loudly in his ear. “Look, don’t make this harder than it needs to be. The bedroom is right in front of you, just go in and do it.” His temper was running short and James knew it. He shuddered briefly at the thought of what he’d do to Aleks if James failed to listen, and he quickly reached down and pulled out his gun before his courage ran out. 

He took another light step, careful to keep his boots light on the ground as he walked. He could see the rows of pictures lining the walls of the hallway like a museum and he ignored them, adamant about not turning his head to see them. The bedroom door was slightly cracked open, and he could see how dark it was inside leaving no light to be seen. 

The room across from him was slightly more illuminated, and the light from in there spilled into the hallway, its door open more so than that of the couple’s. James looked down, seeing the way his black boots were bathed in the soft light before he glanced up, tilting his head to the side a bit to glance inside. 

The walls were a light pink color, complete with a large window present that let moonlight filter in through thin, see through curtains. The hardwood turned to carpet as he reached the door, looking soft and white in the pale lighting. The room was neatly organized, with a bookshelf at one end and beautiful painted pictures lining the walls, giving a calm air about it. 

He wasn’t sure why, but he reached out and pushed the door open even further, his heart ricocheting off of his ribcage within him. His palms were sweaty again, pressing against the white wood of the door before he took another step inside, dirty black boots staining the white carpet as he did. 

The first thing he saw was a rocking chair in the corner, previously hidden from his view. It was made of shiny dark wood, with a blanket draped over the back, neatly folded and hanging above the floor. His eyes followed the outside of the room, his throat closing up slightly as he came across a changing table made of the same wood, a pile of diapers and various clothes sitting in a pile on the small mattress at the top. 

This was wrong. Everything about this was fucking wrong. He was about to rob this child of her parents, of the only people she’s ever known. 

He took a step back towards the door, eager to escape the nursery that was now suffocating him before he heard the sudden noise of gurgling coming from his left. He froze up immediately, all of his senses seeming to heighten as his eyes darted to the baby monitor that was sitting on top of the dresser, flashing a blinking green light and signaling that it was on. 

He remained motionless, his eyes darting back to where the sound of the noise had come from, the crib right beneath the window. There was a beat, followed by a loud sort of cry and James was getting more and more nervous by the second, trying to somehow listen for motion behind him while keeping an eye on the monitor and crib all at once. 

He knew that Jordan was waiting for him. He knew that the sound of gunshots would be the only thing that would convince him that he’d gotten the job done, had done the one thing he came here to do so he could get Aleks back. 

But in the back of his mind, despite everything going on around him, there was a thing voice whispering to him. 

Step closer. Look into the crib. Look at the life you’re going to be ruining. 

James’ boots were heavy against the carpet, leaving a trail of dirt and mud in his wake as he slowly shuffled forward, one side of his brain screaming at him to stop and the other one urging him on. He reached the crib within seconds, his long fingers wrapping themselves around the top of the dark wooden railing. 

The noises had stopped; all he could hear was gentle breathing and his own heart pounding in his ears. 

James leaned forward slightly, peering his head over, his dark eyes finally taking a moment to glance at the child in the crib. 

“Oh, James…” He heard Jordan’s pitiful voice for a moment before his breathing stopped entirely. His dark eyes made contact with the little girl in the bed, no more than a year old, blinking up at with equally dark, equally large brown eyes. She had a head full of dark hair, dressed in a pink onesie with her chubby fist in her mouth, kicking her legs slightly but remaining calm nevertheless. 

James took a step closer, tilting his head to the side for a moment as he analyzed her face, his stomach churning unconsciously as he did. She matched his movement, moving her own head, and James watched as she blinked again, long eyelashes brushing against her pink cheeks as she did.

“I told you not to go in anywhere else.” Jordan’s passive voice was crystal clear in his ear once again and James didn’t really know what was going on, or what he was feeling; was it guilt? This didn’t feel like it; it felt like someone had violently reopened a freshly healed wound, had cut him open and stuck their fingers all in the flesh just to hurt him, just to ruin everything his body had worked on fixing. 

His hand was still clutching the top bar of the crib, his knuckles white with the effort. The gun in his pocket felt like lead weighing him down, and James tried to shift his stance in a desperate way to get it off of his thigh. As he did, he felt the warm metal of Aleks’ necklace brush against the skin of his chest, and he reached up with his other hand to free it from its place behind his shirt. He glanced down, holding the small locket in between his fingers, willing himself to breathe before Jordan’s voice was back. 

“You know...I think she looks more like you than Aleks. But she’s definitely got his nose...it’s so different from your own.” 

It was in that moment that James remembered what it was like when his father used to beat him senseless when he was a kid. He remembered the way his body ached, the way he could barely open his eyes from how swollen they were and how it was the worst pain he’d ever known, the pain that had left such a dark mark on his brain, the one that he could never see himself forgetting. 

That was such bullshit.

This was, by far, the worst pain he’d ever felt in his life.

James physically couldn’t breathe, feeling like his chest had just caved in on itself as he stumbled forward slightly, managing to catch his other hand on the railing of the crib. His stomach was threatening to push him to nausea, his heart beating so painfully against his ribs that he wondered if he was having a heart attack. 

“No...no no no….” he stuttered out breathlessly, swallowing down bile as he started down at the baby once more, at his baby, at his and Aleks’ daughter. She pulled her hand from her mouth, glancing up at him with her mouth slightly open, looking as confused as a baby could as James quite literally felt a panic attack coming on. 

He didn’t have time for that, though. Jordan was speaking again, his staticky voice now audibly disappointed. 

“It’s a shame. If you would’ve just gone in and shot them like I asked, this wouldn’t be happening.” James could feel the retort back ready to leave his lips but he barely had time to open his mouth before there was an ear shattering explosion to his left, across the hall from the nursery. James whipped his head around, watching in horror as the bedroom he’d been ordered to go to was diminished to a pile of rubble, a huge hole in the middle of the beautiful house like a surgery gone wrong. 

“Cops are coming. Get your ass back in the car,” Jordan growled dangerously, and James felt his heart stop. His daughter was crying now, loud sobs as she wriggled in her crib, obviously startled and scared from the noise she’d just heard. James felt like his feet were suddenly glued to the floor, unable to move and he tried to decide whether that was bad or not. His brain was nothing but white noise, his ears ringing slightly as he tried to piece everything together in his mind. 

His daughter was here, right in front of him, crying her lungs out.

Her parents were dead. Jordan had blown them up. 

He’d failed the mission. Aleks was back in Los Santos, waiting for them to return. 

He wasn’t going to get Aleks back now. 

The cops were on their way. He’d never be able to escape this. 

And so, James decided not to let his brain think but rather his body, which is why he found himself leaning down quickly, scooping up his daughter in his arms and holding her against his chest, grabbing a blanket with his left hand and placing it over her head and body before bolting out. 

He took the stairs two at a time, skidding onto the tile as he avoided pieces of falling rubble and smoking wood, making a beeline for the backdoor he’d seen when he first came in. She was still crying, her tiny face buried into his neck as hot tears made contact with his shirt and he tightened his grip on her slightly, pushing open the door as he did. 

The backyard was huge, long and stretching back towards a thick cluster of forest that was directly behind the houses on this side of the street. He stopped for a moment, staring across at it with anxious eyes, catching his breath as Jordan’s angry voice rang out in his ear again. 

“James, you get out here! Aleks is dead, do you hear me?! He’s fucking dead if you don’t get in this car and go! You’ll die out there, they’re gonna catch you!” James reached up and yanked his earpiece out like it was burning him, throwing it into the grass before stomping on it with his foot, listening to the plastic crack before taking off again, running towards the woods. 

He heard the angry, loud peel of Jordan’s tires as he sped off down the street, leaving James on his own. He took another deep breath, still running before he finally made it to the woods, shrouding him in darkness. He slowed only slightly, dodging tree roots and branches as he desperately tried to put as much distance between him and the house as he could. 

He ran until he physically couldn’t anymore, his lungs burning and legs aching, begging him to stop for a moment. He stumbled slightly as he did, nearly bending over as he struggled to catch his breath. His daughter was still crying, her whimpering not as loud but still enough to be heard. James lifted his head up, pushing himself to straighten up slightly before he reached down, gently pulling off the blanket from her head, revealing her shiny, pink face and large brown eyes sparkling with tears.

“It’s alright…” he murmured breathlessly, reaching down and stroking his long fingers against her dark hair gently. “You’re gonna be okay...I’ve got you now…” She sniffled, still looking miserable but her crying had stopped. She had her little hands pressed against the rough fabric of his vest, staring up at him as another tear escaped her eye and James reached up to wipe it away with his thumb. “I just need you to stay quiet for me, my love...I’ll get us out of this mess…” 

They stared at each other with perfectly large, identical brown eyes for a few seconds before James heard the familiar high pitched screeching of police sirens, throwing his head back to glance behind him for a moment. “Sorry, love…” he murmured, turning back around before placing the blanket back over her head quickly, taking off once more. 

James ran for what felt like centuries, but was probably no more than an hour. He’d stop, listen around for where the sirens sounded closest, and then take off in the opposite direction. His eyes had adjusted as best as they could in the dim light, managing not to stumble and fall as he darted his way through the woods, clutching onto his daughter the entire time. She’d done well in listening to her father and hadn’t made a noise since the beginning, her soft breathing against his neck keeping his head somewhat clear. 

He reached the other side of the forest and found it to be a dead end, leading to a fence that separated someone else’s private land from that of the neighborhoods. He danced along the outskirts of the forest for another stretch of time, hoping to find some sort of opening he could slip through without having to jump a fence with a one year old baby. 

He finally did; there was a small sort of trail leading out of the forest and into a grassy area, and as James took it he realized it was a park, complete with multiple playgrounds for kids of all ages. He glanced around uneasily before stepping into the moonlight, scanning the place multiple times for people who might be in it but it was dead silent, and James figured everyone was asleep in their beds, as they should normally be at this time of the night. 

He was finally able to breathe again, adjusting his arm slightly as he shifted his daughter against his chest. He searched around for somewhere to sit, his eyes ending up on a bench that was situated near the back before he walked over, legs aching slightly as he sat down slowly. He swallowed a bit, that anxious feeling coming back like some sort of clawed beast within his chest before he took his free hand, slipping his hand into his pocket, pushing his gun aside and finding his cellphone before flipping it open and dialing the only number that was in there: Lindsey’s. 

She picked up almost instantly, barely giving James time to open his mouth before she was frantically yelling. 

“Are you alright?! Jesus Christ, your tracker stopped working and blacked out on us for a good hour and a half, we thought you were dead-” James cut her off as soon as he figured out how to speak again, his voice loud and abrupt. 

“Did you get Aleks out of there? Jordan was on his way back, and that was awhile ago.” He felt his shoulders loosen slightly as Lindsey responded. 

“Yes, we got him as soon as you two left. He’s with us right now, we’ve been driving in fucking circles in Los Santos trying to find you, where the fuck are you?!” James sighed in what felt like a mixture of relief and dread, closing his eyes for a moment. 

“I never left to come back with him, I’m...I’m still here. Is my tracker working again?” Another short conversation ensued, where Lindsey told him she could see where he was now and James insisted she come as soon as they could and pick him up so they could put as much distance between them and Jordan as possible. He hung up a few moments later, snapping his phone shut before the dense silence of the night fell over him once more. 

His daughter was asleep now, steadily breathing against the skin of his neck as her head rested on his chest, her head tilted slightly upward so she was facing the bottom of his chin. He glanced down at her, his chest tightening painfully as he did and he sighed softly, watching her body rise and fall slowly in his arms. 

For the first time in his life, James had absolutely no idea what he was going to do. 

James saw the van pulling up not even half an hour later, its presence visible from the other side of the park. He got up slowly, careful not to wake the baby as he adjusted her weight once again, weaving his way around the playground equipment to reach the parking lot. He saw the floor being flung open as soon as it was parked, and Lindsey leapt out, meeting his eyes before frantically scanning his body. 

“Oh thank God, you’re not hurt…” James kept silent, finally reaching the smooth asphalt of the lot before he stood in front of her, half of his body still covered with the blanket. She frowned at that, glancing up at his face once more as she studied him incredulously, looking confused. 

“What is that?” she managed to get out before Aleks was jumping out of the van behind her, immediately darting around her frame and meeting James’ eyes gleefully. 

“Oh my God, you’re okay!” James opened his mouth slightly, debating on cutting the man off but his voice suddenly didn’t seem to be working again. Aleks was oblivious, immediately running over to him. “I was so fucking scared, I didn’t know what Jordan was going to do, and then we lost your tracker and I-” He stopped suddenly, seeming to finally take in the way James was standing, at the way that he had one arm tucked beneath this pale yellow blanket and the way he was staring at Aleks, his eyes full of pity and worry and pure anxiety. 

Lindsey was still silent, looking as lost as Aleks did and James watched everyone else pile out of the van at once, all of them staying quiet as they watched Aleks stare at James, his face still swollen but clean of all the dried blood from before. 

Another heavy silence had fallen, almost as thick and suffocating as the humidity in this park. James kept absolutely still, his eyes never leaving his boyfriend’s face as Aleks reached his tattooed arm out slowly, his hand making contact with the top of the blanket as he gently pulled it down, revealing the still sleeping infant on James’ chest. 

Lindsey and Anna seemed to understand immediately; James heard them both gasp loudly before covering their mouths. Aleks’ face was completely blank; he stared down at the baby, still clutching onto the blanket in his hand to his side. James shifted uncomfortably in his spot, and he felt his daughter stir slightly against his chest, waking up slowly from her slumber. He glanced down at her as she did, absentmindedly reaching down and brushing a lock of her dark hair that had fallen in her eyes. He heard Aleks’ breath leave his body then, and James looked up just in time to see him raise his hands to his mouth, shaking his head slowly. 

“No...no, oh my God…” His voice was weak and muffled against his palms, and James felt his heart physically break. He watched with tears clouding his vision as Aleks took a step forward, his dark eyes squinted slightly as he closed up the distance between the two of them. Their daughter lifted her head up slightly, yawning and scrunching her tiny face up, closing her eyes for a moment before she opened them again. James watched Aleks stare at her in what looked like pure shock as she turned her head slightly to meet his gaze, blinking sleepily up at him as she did.

Aleks started crying right before James did, reaching over and pulling her from James’ arms. James let go immediately, releasing her from his grip as Aleks carefully pulled her to his chest, sniffling and burying his face into her hair. James reached up and absentmindedly wiped the back of his hand across his cheeks, knuckles brushing against his beard as he stared at the two of them, Aleks still crying loudly against her head. 

“God, she’s so beautiful, she looks just like you…” Aleks’ voice was choked up and hoarse and James squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head before bowing his head down, his brain feeling like it was on overload and set to explode at any moment. 

“She doesn’t...her parents are dead.” Aleks stopped then, and James could feel his heavy eyes on his profile before he even lifted his head up to glance at him again. 

“They’re dead?” Lindsey’s voice was almost inaudible as she spoke up, and James turned his head to meet her dumbstruck face, Anna staring at James with a look of pure horror to her left. James didn’t respond, his eyes lingering on the two women for a moment before he turned back to Aleks, then back down at their daughter in his arms. 

“We need to leave, now. Jordan’s probably already realized Aleks is gone, plus the cops are on my ass. We don’t...we don’t have time to think about anything else right now. I just want to get out of here.” His voice had no real sting to it, which was disappointing but not surprising. Still, everyone nodded quickly in response, apparently as eager as he was to get out and they rushed back to the van, albeit a bit slower than usual.

Aleks didn’t move; he remained in his spot in the middle of the parking lot, still clutching onto his daughter like his life depended on it, staring off at nothing in particular as he rubbed her back slowly and gently. James walked over carefully, reaching out and touching his arm gently, running his thumb along the tattooed skin softly. 

“Aleks…” he started, but then his voice faded away quickly because, really, what was he going to say? There was about this situation that could be easily discussed, especially not right now. He stared at the man for a moment more, his brain wracking itself for something to say before he finally settled on,“Let’s just get somewhere safe.”

Aleks nodded slowly at that, his eyes darting up to meet James’ for a split second before he turned his body, walking slowly back towards the car without opening his mouth. James let his hand fall slowly to his side, ignoring the way his eyes stung with tears that had yet to fall before he followed suit, climbing into the van and pulling the door shut. 

Their daughter stayed in Aleks’ arms the first part of the trip; they reached the outskirts of the city before they deemed it safe to run inside a store and get the things they needed, which included a carseat and a multitude of baby things James never would’ve thought to get had the girls not been there. They were as fast as they could be, dumping the items in the back before they all quickly worked together to get the seat fixated, very thankful it was still the middle of the night and next to no one was here. 

James felt like he was in some sort of fever dream as this all played out, watching silently as Aleks gently laid her down in her seat and Lindsey showed him how to strap her in. The entire situation felt unreal, and James found himself digging his fingernails into his thighs to make sure he wasn’t making the entire thing up. Soon they were on their way again, and the silence had fallen once more, although it wasn’t as calm this time. 

Their daughter was fast asleep at the end of the middle row, her head resting delicately on the cushion on the side of her carrier. Lindsey, Anna and Trevor were all knocked out in the back, snoring lightly as they rested on each other’s sides and Brett was in the front passenger seat, face resting against the window as Asher drove. 

Aleks was in the middle, beside the carseat and on James’ left, still very much awake and staring blankly at the floorboard beneath him, his hands resting idly in his lap. James still felt nauseous, and he tried desperately distract himself from what was going on but everything about this mess was too much for him to ignore, especially the inevitable. 

There was a reason they’d given her up so long ago; they weren’t fit to be parents, and that was all there was to it. 

James knew deep down in his heart that their time with her now wasn’t going to last much longer.

He turned his head and stared down at the seat, taking in the way their thighs were pressed together. He slowly reached his hand down, taking his hand and sliding it gently down Aleks’ arm until he met his hand, intertwining their fingers gently as he pulled it to rest in his own lap. He could hear Aleks inhale slowly, tension beginning to leave his body as James ran his fingertips down the inside of his wrist, over the colorful pattern in his tattoos. 

“Aleks…” he murmured, taking his other hand and running his fingertips gently over Aleks’ own. He listened as Aleks slowly let his breath out, his body slouching forward slightly as he did before James spoke again. “I’m so sorry...I never meant for this to happen, I never thought Jordan was going to come back and that my past might catch back up to me again.” His voice was still soft but his words were spilling out a mile a minute. 

“You mean everything to me, you know that. Everyone here means so much to me, and Jordan knew this and he used it against me and he took you and hurt you and he’s not going to get away with that, I swear to God-” James was cut off abruptly by Aleks’ hand suddenly reaching upward and taking the locket that was hanging from his neck in his hands, his fingers brushing against the fabric of his shirt as he picked it up, glancing at it carefully.

“I used to think I couldn’t do anything without this thing. Like, some part of me would stop working or things would go all wrong if I wasn’t wearing it or holding it because it was like...my guardian angel or something.” James blinked slowly at him, staring down at him through long eyelashes as Aleks let the necklace fall back against his chest, looking up at him and meeting his eyes. 

“I was wrong. I don’t need that piece of metal to keep me safe...I have you now.” James felt his breath catch in his throat, watching almost blankly as Aleks reached up and moved his hands behind his neck, gently unclasping the necklace and pulling it off. He set it sit in the palm of his hand for a moment, moving it around slowly as he stared at it before turning around and facing the carseat. He reached over, gently placing the locket beside their daughter’s tiny hand, nestling it in between the folds of her blanket as it sunk and disappeared beneath the fabric.

James was silent, watching Aleks’ face in pure astonishment as the man turned back around, looking up at James with a face that was almost unreadable. He remained completely still as the other man reached up and took his face in his hands, running his thumb gently along his beard for a moment before taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly. 

“We’re never leaving each other like that again.” 

And then James had his hands on Aleks’ face and they were both pulling each other in, their lips crashing together in a frenzy that felt like sadness, and relief, and excitement, and adoration, all in one. James slipped his arms around Aleks’ waist as best as he could, pulling him closer as Aleks threw his arms around his neck, letting James dip him down slightly as he tilted his head slightly to the side, opening his mouth and allowing James in. 

They kissed like they hadn’t kissed in years; centuries, even. It was blissful and overwhelming and James felt the weight of everything that had been sitting on his shoulders for the last couple of days suddenly dissipate, deepening the kiss as Asher snapped his fingers from the front seat. 

“Hey! Come on, guys, in front of the baby?” James felt Aleks grin against his mouth, tapping his neck lightly with his hands before James sat back up, albeit a bit reluctantly. He watched as his boyfriend followed suit, turning his head back to glance down at the still sleeping baby to his left. 

“Nah, she’s fine,” he concluded smugly, turning back to glance at James, giving him a soft smile, his eyes still crinkling at the edges despite the fact that one of them was bruised up. “If she’s anything like her father, she won’t hear a thing.” 

James smiled a bit at that, although he knew it didn’t reach his eyes. Aleks didn’t seem to notice, instead curling up and leaning into his usual spot against James’ side. James automatically slipped his arm around him, pulling him close as Aleks tucked his legs up as best he could, the side of his face resting against James’ ribcage as he yawned, closing his eyes and relaxing. 

“We’ll play catch up when we reach Colorado…” he murmured sleepily, and James didn’t respond, instead just letting his hand snake its way up Aleks’ back before he began rubbing it soothingly, up and down against the fabric. 

He knocked out almost immediately, and James ended up staring out the window for the rest of the trip, his mind seeming to race faster than the van itself. 

He chose Colorado to flee to for multiple reasons, most of which involved the weather and the fact that they’d never performed a heist there, making it largely more difficult to be found by police. They arrived at the hotel James had selected for them later the next day, all of them climbing out and getting to their rooms, Aleks hoisting around the baby carrier in his left arm. 

The final and most important reason for the location was, well...James’ mom lived here. 

It hadn’t been hard to find her; James knew she’d always dreamt about moving to the state, wanted to live near the mountains and not have to worry about hot weather. When day had turned to night and Aleks was nearly asleep with their daughter on his chest, James had crept out and into Lindsey and Anna’s room, asking her almost pleadingly if she was able to somehow find his mother for him.

She had her address pulled up within minutes, and James wasn’t sure if he was pleased or distraught at the fact that she only lived 20 minutes from where they were at now. If the girls had any questions as to why he was suddenly looking for her, they kept it to themselves. They had that same look of pity in their eyes that they’d given him for so many weeks after he’d given birth; the one that screamed “I’m sorry, James. I wish she could stay with us too.”

When James returned to the his room, Aleks was still fast asleep, as was their daughter. The place was a mess, with various baby items strewn around the place like it had been ransacked, and James found himself slowly beginning to clean up, careful to keep silent. When he finally finished, he realized he had no other choice but to climb into bed beside them and try to sleep, especially when he knew what the following day was going to bring, even if no one else did. 

He turned the lights off, laying down ever so gently and moving the mattress only slightly as he relaxed on his back, staring at the ceiling for a few moments before turning to face Aleks. His head was tilted towards James, resting slightly against his shoulder with his arms resting on top of his stomach, gently keeping their daughter on his back and cradling her from the bottom. Her chubby face was facing James as well, her large cheek squished slightly against Aleks’ shirt as she slept soundly, her whole body rising and falling slightly as Aleks breathed, and for a moment James just admired the similarities in their faces, smiling to himself. 

Yeah, they were going to be just fine together. 

The next morning, James woke up a couple hours before he told everyone else to, turning on his side and gently shaking Aleks awake. He got a low groan in response, and watched as Aleks turned his head away, reaching one of his arms out and swatting sleepily at him. James’ eyes flew up to the sudden movement of their daughter stirring on his chest, smiling softly to himself as he watched her open her eyes slowly, blinking a few times before she focused in on his face. 

“Well good morning, beautiful…” he murmured, and his smile grew immensely as she grinned back at him, dimples appearing in her chubby cheeks as she did. 

James retrieved her from his still sleeping boyfriend, getting up and pressing a kiss to her cheek before he began to move around the room, getting her changed and dressed whilst packing all of their things at the same time. Aleks finally sat up in bed, blinking wearily in the dim lighting when James was sitting in an armchair in the other side of the room, one of his legs resting up on the other as he gently held their daughter in his arms, propped slightly upward against his bicep as she drank happily from a bottle in his hand, her eyes refusing to leave his own as she did. 

“Did she wake you?” James looked up as Aleks rubbed his eyes sleepily, getting up and stretching his arms for a moment before he walked over, still looking only half awake. “I didn’t even hear her…” James shook his head in response, glancing back down at her as Aleks knelt down, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead as she kept drinking. 

“No, I got up on my own. Listen, you and I need to leave, ah...a bit early.” Aleks darted his head back up, furrowing his brow in confusion. 

“What? How come?” James looked up and scanned his face for a moment, taking in the worried look in his eyes before turning his gaze back down to the baby in his arms. 

“We need to visit someone this morning. It shouldn’t take too long, but...it needs to be done.” Aleks stayed silent for a moment, seeming to ponder this as silence fell between them. 

“Okay…” he finally responded slowly, and James watched as their daughter finished drinking, pushing the bottle from her lips with a soft popping noise, pulling it away and setting it down beside her. James lifted her gently, propping her up on his shoulder before he began patting her back gently, looking up at Aleks through his lashes once more. 

“It’s nothing dangerous or bad, I promise. Just...please. Trust me.” 

Aleks ended up agreeing, of course. The three of them crept out of the motel in the early morning light, strapping themselves in before taking off down the road. Aleks didn’t ask questions, just kept to himself as James drove into the town right next to them, his hands in his lap as their daughter gurgled happily in the backseat behind them, shaking around the various toys the girls had picked up for her. 

When they reached the neighborhood, James felt like he was going into anaphylactic shock, his throat closing up slightly and making it hard to breathe. He managed to keep his cool well enough so that Aleks wouldn’t notice, instead gazing out the window incredulously, tilting his head to the side.

“Who are we visiting?” he asked to no one in particular, and James felt like if he opened his mouth he’d throw up all over the steering wheel, so he didn’t.

The house was small and cute and everything James would’ve imagined his mom to live in. He glanced at all of the plants lining the porch, of the colorful flowers in her yard and the slightly worn welcome sign hanging on the door, as he parked, shutting the van off and letting the air suddenly fill with silence again, the only noise coming from one of the rattles behind him. 

Aleks leaned against the back of his seat slowly, frowning up at the house for a moment before he turned back to James, taking in his stiffened posture and anxious demeanor. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” James ignored him, still staring up at the house in silence before he got out of the car, shutting the door and walking to the back, opening the side door and retrieving their daughter’s carrier from the seat. She grinned happily up at him, excitedly shaking her toy in his face and all he could give her in return was a weak smile, closing the door behind him. Aleks was getting visibly angry now, climbing from his own seat and shutting the door a bit too hard before he followed James up the steps to the front porch, brushing various plants from his way as he did. 

She had a bright green door; of course she did. James clenched his hand around the handle of the carrier, his boots feeling heavy against the floral welcome mat before he silently sucked in a breath through his nose, reaching up and knocking his fist against the wood three times, letting his hand fall slowly after. 

He heard movement from within, feet walking across hardwood as they slowly approached the door. He held his breath as he watched the door open slightly, meeting the sight of an older woman, much shorter than him with dark hair that perfectly matched his, and gentle brown eyes, swimming with pure confusion as she stared at him. 

“Can I help y-” James watched something suddenly register in her face, causing her to stop mid sentence as her eyes widened slightly. He let his breath out slowly, his chest falling slightly as he did, refusing to break eye contact as he swallowed a bit, giving what he hoped was a small, weary smile. 

“Hi, mom.” He felt Aleks stiffen up slightly at his side in shock, but James barely had time to register that before his mom was throwing her arms around his neck, all but yanking him down to her for a hug. He gently set the carrier down on the ground before he hugged her back, wrapping his arms around her small frame and holding her close. 

“James, my sweet baby, my son, oh my God…” She was crying now, her voice muffled against his shirt. “It’s been years, my love…” James nodded slowly, stroking her long hair with his hand as he kept her close, resting his cheek on her scalp. 

“I know, I’m so sorry…” He closed his eyes for a moment, listening as she sniffled again before standing back up, freeing herself slowly from his arms before turning to glance at Aleks, gasping softly. 

“Oh darling, is this your boyfriend?” James blinked at that, wondering idly for a moment what had given that away. He’d never mentioned in his youth that he might’ve been gay; hell, he hadn’t really figured it out until he’d left home but...he supposed mothers knew more than he gave them credit for. 

He cleared his throat a bit before answering. “Yeah, that’s him...that’s Aleks.” Aleks looked a whole mess, his brain visibly trying to catch up with everything that was going on in front of him. He blinked a few times before managing to give her a hasty smile, waving his hand a bit awkwardly. 

“Um, hi-” Aleks was cut off mid sentence by being tackled with a hug from the smaller woman, nearly getting the wind knocked out of him as he caught himself from stumbling backward off the porch. James grinned despite it all, watching as he hugged her back and his mother crooned happily, turning her head slightly to face his son. 

“He’s gorgeous, James. You did well.” James felt his cheeks flush at that, although they didn’t compare to how red Aleks’ got. He watched as his mother finally caught sight of the carrier on the ground, gasping loudly in shock as she suddenly let go of Aleks, covering her mouth with her hands. 

“James!” she exclaimed suddenly, her brown eyes wide with shock as she darted them back up to meet his face. “Is she...is she yours? Yours and Aleks’?” James nodded in response, watching with a soft smile as she immediately bent down, cooing excitedly over the baby as she did. 

“Oh, she’s beautiful! The most precious thing I’ve ever seen...oh James, she reminds me so much of you when you were a baby…” James watched as she carefully undid her straps and picked her up gently, hoisting her onto her hip and grinned, stroking her hair gently as their daughter giggled excitedly, happy for all of the attention she was getting. “What’s her name?”

James felt Aleks’ gaze on his face, and he lifted his head up to see Aleks staring at him, his eyes seeming to be screaming a million different questions at him despite his stony demeanor. 

‘What are we doing here? What are you going to tell her? Why are we doing this now?’

James tore his eyes away, looking down at his mother’s expectant face, running his tongue along the bottom of his lip nervously. 

“Well…” His voice trailed off, and she raised an eyebrow at him, confusion clouding her face as he struggled for words. He swallowed thickly, tilting his head towards the door. “Let’s go inside. We uh...there’s a lot I need to tell you.” 

James told her everything that afternoon, pretty much starting from the moment he had left home over 10 years ago to showing up on her doorstep now. The entire thing took a couple hours, and by the time they finished the baby had been passed around multiple times and she was now sitting in James’ lap, resting lazily against his belly as she kicked her feet around slowly, sucking loudly on a pacifier and James’ mom was sitting in silence, taking everything in.

“Well...I’ll say one thing, you are definitely your father’s son.” James tried not to wince at the mention of him, instead shifting his weight slightly in his seat, his thigh bumping into Aleks’. She didn’t seem to notice, instead glancing thoughtfully at his daughter in her son’s lap, tilting her head to the side slightly as she rested her chin against her hand. Before she had time to respond James heard his phone ringing, and he reached down to pick it up before Lindsey’s anxious voice reached his ears. 

“James?! Where the hell are you and Aleks and the baby?!” James sighed internally, lifting the phone from his ear a bit before responding. 

“We’re fine, I promise. Look, things...we ended up staying longer than we needed to-”

“Staying where?!” she demanded immediately, and James fought back the urge to roll his eyes. Aleks was silent at his side, watching with an indifferent gaze as James’ mother snapped her fingers at her son, calling his attention. 

“Bring them here, silly. I have plenty of room.” James frowned at that, opening his mouth to protest before she cut him off again, holding her hand up. “James Wilson, I am still your mother. Now you tell your family to come here for the night, there’s no need for them to be worried sick because you wouldn’t tell them what you were doing.” Aleks snorted at his side, covering his mouth quickly as James’ mother smiled smugly, giving him a wink before waving her hand impatiently at James. “Go on!”

And so half an hour later found his mother’s house filled with 5 more people, the place feeling slightly cramped but still like home. James watched in pure awe as his mom maneuvered her way through the crowd, kissing everyone’s cheeks and giving them hugs like they were her own children. He hadn’t seen everyone this relaxed in...well, probably ever. 

As the evening drew on, and dinner was made and eaten and people were laughing and their daughter was passed around for everyone to hold, the sun had disappeared and the dark, sparkling night sky had appeared. People were assigned different rooms and places to stay for the night. James helped her pass blankets and pillows out, Aleks standing at his side with their daughter on his hip, her head on his shoulder and her eyes droopy with sleep from the day’s events. 

James turned to face him as everyone was filtering out, giving him a small smile before leaning forward to place a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll meet you in the bedroom in a bit, I’m just gonna talk to my mom for a little while…” Aleks nodded quickly, giving him a reassuring smile. 

“Of course, take your time. We might both be asleep by the time you show up, fair warning.” James felt his heart ache painfully at his words but he managed not to let his demeanor slip, instead humming in agreement before he watched him turn and walk down the hallway to one of the spare bedrooms. 

James’ mother reached over to touch his arm, squeezing his bicep gently to get his attention, glancing up at him with a thoughtful face. 

“You need to talk to me, my love?” James nodded in response, feeling a lump in his throat beginning to form as she began to lead him down the same hallway, stopping in front of her bedroom door and pushing it open. 

It was as simple and elegant as she was, clean with various framed pictures decorating the wallpapered room. James pushed the door shut behind him slowly, watching as his mother made her way to the bed, kicking off her shoes and sitting down on the edge, patting the spot on the mattress beside her and smiling softly. “Never too old to have a talk with your mother.”

James smiled faintly, making his way across the room before he joined her side, settling his weight down on the mattress beside her. He slid off his own boots, setting them down on the hardwood floor before he pulled his legs up on the comforter, folding his legs beneath him before they fell into silence, and everything that James had been on James’ mind for the last 24 hours or so came bubbling up to the surface all at once, overwhelming him slightly as it did. 

He tilted his head down, staring down at the patterned bedding under his feet as he sighed slowly, his back rising and falling as he did. His mother remained silent, reaching over and resting her hand on his knee, running her thumb along the fabric of his pants. 

“...I need you to do something for me.” He lifted his head up a bit, turning to face her again as he kept speaking. “I know that’s not fair to you, because I’ve been gone for so long and you didn’t even know if I was alive or not but-” James stopped suddenly, his mother’s fingers reaching up and pressing against his lips gently to shut him up. She stared at him seriously before lowering his hand and responding. 

“I knew you weren’t dead. You did well to take care of me...no one else would’ve sent me that money over the years.” James kept his mouth shut, watching silently as his mother continued. 

“James...you’ll find out soon enough that once you have a kid, your life is no longer your own. Nothing is only yours anymore, no matter what happens. Everything you do, for the rest of your life, will always be with them in mind.” She pulled her hand from his knee before lifting up her free one and taking his face gently in both of her palms, her fingers coming to rest on the top of his cheekbones as she did. 

“You are my baby, always and forever. You know I’ll do anything for you, no matter what, because all I want is for you to be safe and happy. That’s all I could ever ask for.” James felt his eyes stinging with tears only for a moment before they were overflowing onto his cheeks, sniffling softly as he felt her begin to wipe them away. “Now, what do you need me to do, James?” 

He closed his eyes, thanking whatever kind of God there was above for his mother, like he had done countless times before in the past. He sniffled again, reaching up and wiping his cheeks after he felt her let go of his face, opening his eyes slowly and blinking away the blurry vision. 

“I need you...I need you to take care of my daughter. And...and of Aleks.” She furrowed her eyebrows slightly, getting that crease in her forehead that James remembered so vividly from his childhood.

“Of course, darling…” she began slowly, still sounding a bit lost. “I’ll always be here to take care of them. But...what about you? What will you be doing, then?” James swallowed thickly, choosing his next words as carefully as he could before speaking again. 

“I’m turning myself in tomorrow.” 

She reacted just as James would’ve expected; loud, angry, worried, upset, all at once in a sort of firestorm of emotions. He let it happen, keeping his mouth shut as she lectured at him, her voice torn between sounding like she was going to burst into tears or start screaming at any moment. 

“James Wilson, you will not! You have a beautiful daughter here, with a wonderful boyfriend who looks at you like you put the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky and a family who cares so much about you, and a mother who hasn’t seen her son in over a decade!” Her voice cracked on the last part, and James was heartbroken to see her brown eyes swimming with tears now. “How dare you think to throw this all away!” 

James shook his head slowly, keeping their gaze before he reached up and took his own turn in holding her face in his hands, watching her sniffle miserably at him. 

“I’m not throwing it away, I’m saving it. I’m never going to let anyone hurt any of you again, I can’t. I won’t.” She whimpered pitifully at that, closing her eyes as James continued softly. 

“They’ve never shown their faces on heists. I’ve never let them, and there’s a reason. One day, when this is all over and things blow up, they’ll blow up in my face and no one else’s.” His mom pressed her lips together, another mirage of tears falling down her face. 

“I started this, and I’ll be the one to end it. They were just here for the ride. They’re so smart, every single one of them. They’ve got so much ahead of them, and I want them to pursue that, and they can’t do that if people from the past keep showing up and trying to ruin it for them.” He slowly pulled his hands down, resting them in his lap as he watched her reach up and wipe her cheeks quickly, avoiding his eyes as she bowed her head. “Aleks has enough love for our baby girl for the both of us. He’ll be able to take care of her, I know it. He just...he’ll need a little help at first, from you.”

He finished his little speech and sat back a bit, watching silently as his mother slowly began to pull herself together, sniffling a couple more times before she sighed softly, nodding her head and lifting her face up slowly. 

“You’re already a better parent than I ever was and ever will be, James,” she murmured simply, staring up at him with tear stained cheeks. James shook his head, smiling softly. 

“Not better than you, Mom. Never better than you.” 

James never wanted to leave her room that night, the two of them holding each other in their arms for a while and just sitting in silence, enjoying the time they had left together. He closed his eyes and focused on the moment, trying his hardest to make a memory of this feeling so that he’d never, ever forget it. 

He finally left and went back to his room, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat and hoping that Aleks was asleep so that he’d refrain from asking about his puffy eyes. 

When he opened the door he was met with the sight of Aleks on the bed, fast asleep yet again with their baby girl on his chest. James just stood there for a moment, taking a snapshot of this in his mind, mentally storing it away with all of the other things he wanted to stay with him until the day he died.

Which, he thought idly to himself, might not be too far away after all. 

He decided not to stay the night; leaving in the morning would be even more painful than right now. He silently gathered his things, trying not to think about how useless that was in the long run but it gave him extra time, anyway. When everything was said and done, he stood up in the middle of the room, looking over at the two loves of his life, both blissfully unaware of what was about to happen. 

He walked over slowly, kneeling down beside the mattress on his knees before reaching over, gently running his hand over his daughter’s soft, dark hair. 

“I love you so much, baby girl,” he whispered quietly, running his thumb over her pink cheek. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m never going to stop loving you. You take care of your dad, and don’t give him too much of a hard time, he’s doing his best. Always remember that.” He leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, ignoring the way he could barely see through his tears. 

He turned his head, feeling like his heart was being physically ripped from his chest as he caught sight of Aleks’ sleeping, peaceful face. He sniffled a bit, quietly as he could before he slid over a bit, shuffling on his knees before he was in front of his face. 

“Aleks…” He lowered his voice even more, smiling a bit despite the tears that were now falling freely down his face. 

“You gave me the happiness I never thought I deserved. You were the only person I ever truly loved, the only one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I’m so sorry I couldn’t give that to you…” He reached his hand up slowly, ever so gently reaching up and brushing his dark hair from his forehead, trying not to whimper at the fact that he was never going to be able to do it again. 

“You’re gonna be such a good father, I see it already. The way you look at her lets me know that I’m leaving her in the best hands possible.” His thumb swiped gently across the skin of his forehead, trying to remember the way Aleks felt to his touch. 

“You gave me the best thing in the entire world, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that, for her.” He bit his lip then, sniffling a bit as he felt his words catching in his throat, his eyes blurring again. 

“I love you so much, Aleksandr. You and me until the very end.” 

He managed to place a wet, shaky kiss onto Aleks’ cheek before he stood up again, feeling like he’d just been punched in the gut. He turned his head quickly, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his jacket before grabbing his bag off the floor, turning on his heel and walking out the door before he gave himself the chance to look back. 

When he reached the kitchen, he took a few minutes to scribble down notes for everyone, hoping that his trembling handwriting would be visible the next morning. He left the scrap pieces of notebook paper littered amongst the wooden table, staring at them for a few moments before he set the pen down, turning again and making his way through the living room. 

He stayed silent, thanking God that the boys were such heavy sleepers, all of them remaining unconscious as he slipped his way out the front door. He’d left all of the money he’d accumulated to his mother, giving her more than enough to take care of herself for a long time. He turned his head as he reached the end of the steps, glancing silently up at the house. 

He’d regretted many things in his life, countless times where he’d made a bad call in a heist, or said something he didn’t mean. He regretted leaving his mom in the dark for so long, and regretted treating Aleks like shit when he was pregnant and regretted not telling his friends hat he loved them enough. 

But this? James knew for a fact that he wasn’t going to regret this. 

Because no matter how much it hurt him, he knew that it was for the best, and it was going to keep everyone he loved and cared about safe, and that was enough. 

He climbed in the van, tossing his bag in the front seat before starting it up, getting out of there as fast as he could without peeling out and waking the entire neighborhood. He got on the highway, enjoying the lack of people on it in the middle of the night, settling down against the back of his seat before he fell into silence once more, and this time it was okay.

This time, it was peace. 

Los Santos was in his horizon as the sun rose hours later, illuminating the city with a beautiful orange light. James had expected to feel nervous but, really, he just felt nothing. Numb wasn’t quite the feeling but he was...content. 

He made his way through the dingy streets, passing by more dirty kids and crackhouses before Jordan’s warehouse came into view. He had no idea if he was even going to be here or not, but the prospect had just been so tempting he couldn’t let it pass. 

He parked his van in the front, no longer caring about who saw him. He reached over, digging his hand through the bag he was never going to use again before producing a pistol, checking the magazine for bullets before loading it again. He cocked it, staring at the shiny metal for a moment before lifting his head up and glancing at the half opened garage door in front of him, opening his door and sliding out once last time before slamming it shut, walking ahead. 

James hadn’t even bothered putting a vest on; what was the point of it now? He stepped through the dark opening of the garage door, his hand hanging limply at his side holding his gun as he glanced around, eyes adjusting to the change in light. The place was just as empty as before, with the same sim lights and dark corners. He looked up to his left, hearing a door creak open and saw the all too familiar shape of Jordan appear from one of the shadows. 

“Oh, it’s you,” he said rather boredly, taking a few steps forward as if they had run into each other casually by mistake somewhere. “Listen, I’d love to chat but I’ve got to bounce, place isn’t safe anymore, you know the whole drill.” He waved his hand absentmindedly in the air in front of him, rolling his eyes. “You got your little boy toy back, let’s just say we’re even n-”

Jordan was cut off by his own abrupt scream as James raised his gun slightly, shooting him square in the left leg and bringing him to his knees. He hit the concrete floor quickly, falling forward and managing to catch himself on his palms as he did. “Jesus Christ!” he yelled loudly, panting slightly as he lifted his head up quickly, staring at James with wide blue eyes. 

James stepped forward, closing up the space in between them before he clenched his hand into a fist, swinging it around and knocking him straight in the jaw, his knuckles stinging painfully as Jordan was thrown back onto the ground, groaning loudly in pain. 

“James, stop! We’re done, okay?! I don’t want to fuck with you anymore, just leave me alone!” His voice was pitiful and pleading, and James simply shut him up with another fist to his mouth, using his other hand now. He’d dropped his gun on the floor to his side, kneeling down in front of him as he loomed over his face carefully. 

“You ruined everything for me, do you understand that?” Jordan turned his head and spit out blood, his nose and mouth staining red with the substance as James stared him down. “You’re not running away free on this one, Jordan. Not this time.” He gripped his shoulders suddenly, lifting his neck and head up before slamming it back down hard against the concrete, listening to his skull made contact with it. “That one’s for Aron.” 

He reached to his left, ignoring Jordan’s pleading cries before looking around the room, spotting a dirty, wooden baseball bat hiding in the closet Aleks had been left in. He got up and crossed the room quickly, starting to see red as he grabbed the piece of equipment by the handle, turning and stalking back before lifting it above his head and bringing it down to make contact with his ribcage. 

“That’s for dragging The Creatures through hell for all those months.” He kept hitting at different places on his body, each swing infinitely harder than the next one. He went down the names of every single person in his group, save for Aleks, before lifting his foot and slamming his boot down onto one of Jordan’s hands. 

“That’s for my mother.” Jordan was writhing in pain now, screaming at the top of his lungs for help but James didn’t care, and neither did anyone else in this shit hole of a town. He lifted his bat again, aiming it towards Jordan’s face for a moment before placing both of his hands on the handle and bringing it down full force upon his face, watching as it immediately began gushing blood everywhere. 

“That one’s for Aleks.” He was sure he had broken the man’s nose, it was gushing blood faster than a waterfall and he was nearly choking on the substance, tilting his body so that he could gag it up. His breathing was labored; James figured one of his broken ribs had punctured his lungs. He glanced down to the tip of the bat, making a face at the stained blood that had accumulated on it before he tossed it to the side, listening to it echo through the empty room. 

He knelt down again, this time nearly on top of Jordan, his face only inches away from his own. Jordan could barely keep his eyes open, his face swollen and bloody and almost unrecognizable save for those goddamned eyes. James stared at him for a moment more, feeling almost entranced by them before he reached over and picked up his gun from the ground, cocking it quickly before shoving the barrel in his mouth and into his throat. 

“And this one? This is for my daughter.” 

He fired the gun and watched the life leave his eyes almost instantly, his head falling back limply against the concrete. James could feel the warm splatter of blood on his face, lifting his head slowly from his mouth, along with the gun. The concrete was now decorated with brain matter and whatever else he’d blown through, leaving a sort of semicircle around the two of them. 

He stood up slowly, examining his pistol before tossing it carelessly to the side, stepping back and surveying Jordan for a moment more. 

“See you in hell, you son of a bitch,” he murmured softly, reaching into his pocket before dialling 911. When they picked up, he listened to the lady recite her message, glancing up at the ceiling as he answered her. 

“He’s finally dead,” he said simply, lifting the phone from his ear before snapping his phone shut. 

The police were there within minutes, along with the SWAT team and tons of helicopters. It was a bit over dramatic, in his eyes, but it’d probably make for one hell of a news story. When they finally realized who it was, he saw everyone’s eyes light up like stars in the sky, already seeing the limelight they’d be basking in when they told the press they had just captured one of the country’s most wanted criminals. 

James had expected much more drama to this when he used to think about what would happen if he was caught one day, but that probably stemmed from the fact that he confessed to everything they’d accused him of. There was no denying it, anyway; he was taking the blame for it all. That was the entire plan. 

He was kept in a local prison for a couple months before the trial. He thought about Aleks everyday, and his daughter even more. 

While in court he plead guilty to everything, sitting on his bench in handcuffs and his jumpsuit as the lengthy list was read off and he calmly confessed to everything he’d ever done. Everyone seemed shock; his lawyer was pissed, but James couldn’t find it in himself to care. It was evident to everyone that this was what he wanted to do. 

He was sentenced to multiple life in prison sentences, with no chance of parole. The death penalty wasn’t allowed in this state, and he couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed. When they led him out of the room, he was half tempted to gaze into the stands, wondering idly if anyone he knew had shown up to watch him sigh a death warrant.

He was to be sent to a high security prison on the other side of the state the next day, where he’d be spending the rest of his life until he died. They woke him up the next morning, violent with their motions as they led him outside, obviously annoyed with the fact that James wasn’t protesting in the slightest. They threw him into the back of the heavily armored truck, slamming the doors shut in his face before they tapped the back door, signaling for the driver to leave. He smirked slightly, wondering what exactly he did to receive such special treatment of travelling alone. 

There was nothing to sit on in the back, which made sense. He managed to stand himself up for a moment, glancing around at a place to sit before his driver made a sudden sharp turn, throwing him and his handcuffed body into the hard metal wall to his right. 

“Jesus fucking Christ!” he cursed loudly, angrily pushing himself up as best as he could with no hands before ambling his way quickly towards the front, banging his shoulder against the wall for attention. “Who the fuck taught you how to drive?!” 

He watched as the small hatch separating the two sections of the car was slid open, letting in the bright light from outside into his space as he squinted slightly. 

“Uh, if I remember correctly...you did.” James felt his entire body freeze up, blinking rapidly at the sound of Asher’s voice, watching in pure shock as he moved his face towards the hole, turning around and flashing a smirk at James briefly. “Sorry James, you only have yourself to blame for that.” 

James simply stared back at him, his mouth wide open as Asher yanked his uniformed hat off his head, throwing it towards the passenger seat with disgust. 

“This shit is so nasty. Aleks, you put it on.” And James swore that his heart stopped beating entirely then, listening to his own sharp inhale as he gasped at the sight of Aleks’ face in the small window, grinning happily at him. 

“You and me until the end, boss. Remember?” James returned the smile, nodding quickly in agreement as Asher turned another corner and hit the gas, and they began speeding off into oblivion once more.

**Author's Note:**

> you finally finished, i'm so proud! that one was a doozie, i know. 
> 
> as always, please be sure to leave kudos and comments if you liked it! and if you didn't, tell me that as well!
> 
> my twitter is @playthetyrants, and i've recently created an entire tumblr to discuss my works, uberhaxorslut. please, don't be afraid to talk to me on there, even if it's to yell! the more the merrier. 
> 
> again, thank you so very much to everyone who took the time to read. i have so much fun writing these things and i'm so glad there's people out there who enjoy reading my work. it's something that's helped me therapeutically for so long, and i just love to see the works of art we all create on here.
> 
> ALSO if you feel so inclined, my ko-fi is here :) https://www.ko-fi.com/playthetyrants


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